Dear Number One,
As I sit here in the first trimester with Number Two, I can’t help but think about how our lives will change. You have been the focus of my whole world, Number One. I worry what will happen when my arms are occupied, when my body is tired, and I can’t tend to you as freely. Will I still be enough for you?
You taught me so much in these past three years. You taught me to love bigger than I ever imagined. You showed me a joy so magnificent that my cheeks hurt from smiling back at you. You taught me to see life differently, through your childhood lens of curiosity and awe. Witnessing the way you stare at ants creeping along the sidewalk or gaze up at planes in the sky changed me. You opened my mind. You reminded me of the importance of play, of pausing, of stopping, and of just breathing.
As I soak in these last few months of just you and me, I feel a lot of things. When your sibling comes, things will change for sure. I will be more tired, more stretched, and more deprived of self-care. I will have more mouths to feed and less hands to use. I worry how this will affect you.
But then I think of all the good changes that will come. I will get to watch you become a big brother. You will continue to teach me things and I will continue to grow alongside you. We will continue to laugh, and play, and breathe. And although the demands will be more, the love for you will be even greater. Love always wins, my number one. When I remember that, I am no longer afraid.
Love,
Mama
