In my home, we love Valentine’s Day! It’s the perfect excuse to eat candy, bake heart shaped cookies, and work on holiday inspired crafts with the kids. But gifts? That’s a whole different story. If your husband is anything like mine, when I ask him what he wants for Valentine’s Day, he responds with the usual “nothing” and I’m left grasping at straws on what to get him. So this year I thought I’d do something different and break out “The Love Dare” by Alex Kendrick, a book that’s been sitting on my shelf collecting dust for quite some time. This book contains 40 days of love building tasks to help strengthen your relationship, which is perfect for Valentine’s Day! The best part…the activities don’t cost a thing!
“The Love Dare” is a book based on the movie Fireproof. I loved this Christian based film so much I ran out and bought a copy of the book so I could try some of the ideas at home. Each day you are given a topic to read about, such as love is patient. Once you complete the reading, you are given an assignment to reinforce the concept you learned. The book also includes a section after each topic for you to journal your experience. While I won’t go into detail about all the topics covered in 40 days (otherwise you’d be reading this blog post well past Valentine’s Day), I will share a few of the concepts that were meaningful to me.
Day 1 starts out with a message on patience within love. Instead of allowing yourself to anger quickly and lash out, you should strive to slow down your emotions and respond in a positive way. Anger always leads to more problems and resentments. The corresponding task is to demonstrate patience by not saying anything negative to your significant other. Below is an excerpt from my journal entry:
“Luckily there wasn’t much to tempt my anger for the day but upon reflecting on patience I realized that I do make small comments here and there that may seem hurtful and probably doesn’t demonstrate patience. Today I kept mentioning how the dishes still had food on them even after they were washed and then I mentioned that the bath water had not been drained. Then I noticed that the children’s hands had not been washed after snack. I’m not saying these things aren’t valid but maybe there is a better way to handle these little nuances. I’m sure instead of bringing every little thing I foresee as something done wrong I could probably silently handle it on my own. Maybe I should put this book away…he doesn’t need someone to keep him on his toes!“
Day 5 contains the message DO NOT be rude. Being rude to your significant other is one of those little things you don’t always notice you’re doing. It can be something as simple as responding to a question in a snappy tone or telling your spouse how to drive. The challenge for the day is to ask your significant other three things that cause them to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking or justifying your behavior. The excerpt from my journal is as follows:
“This was a bit more challenging for me. It was not easy to hear about things that I am doing that cause my husband to feel irritated with me. For the sake of the challenge I listened but I definitely noticed myself wanting to defend. I also noticed that I felt a bit hurt by what I heard. I had to remind myself that this was his perspective and his time to tell me about how he felt!”
Day 10 contains a message on unconditional love. The task for this day is to do something out of the ordinary for your spouse – something that proves (to you and to him) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. This task was easier for me, and it made me really happy to see the smile on my husband’s face for all the little things I did (like making a pitcher of sweet tea, his favorite). Turns out these little things bring big results! Below is an excerpt from my journal entry:
“Today’s task was fun! I made a full pitcher of sweet tea which to him is HUGE if during my busy day I get around to making sweet tea! I also had dinner cooked and the table set for him when he got home from work. And last but not least I ran him a bubble bath! He was a little suspicious of all the extra niceness but I don’t want to reveal the book to him until after I have completed the 40 days!”
Overall, “The Love Dare” is a great way to strengthen your relationship and help your significant other know how important they are to you EVERY DAY, not just Valentine’s Day. Take this 40 day challenge and stick with it, even on the days that your heart feels heavy or a task seems too daunting. Commit to completing the book and see what happens at the end of the challenge! I’m happy to report my marriage is stronger, and I have a feeling your relationship will be too!
What books have helped strengthen your relationship?
I am totally gonna get this book and try it!
Thanks for sharing this! May have to go pick up a copy!