I seriously contemplated emailing my child’s teacher this morning. I desperately wanted to let her know that I had strongly suggested (ahem, demanded) long pants, not shorts, as attire for this rainy-ish 47 degree South Carolina winter day. I also wanted to make sure she knew that I really do love my child and care about her well being. But in an effort to get out the door and not cause a nuclear meltdown (or galactic tardiness) I caved when my daughter emerged from the bedroom wearing (surprise!) athletic shorts.
What is up with this? I don’t think I’m the only mom perplexed by this ongoing phenomenon. Maybe it’s a regional thing. We *can* wear shorts about 10 months out of the year in South Carolina, so why not push the envelope and make it 12, right?
As I shivered in my boots (and tights, dress, jacket and scarf) walking from my parking spot to my office I came up with the possible list of explanations for this behavior. Your child likely falls into one of the following categories. And since we’re talking about school and teachers I’ve made it multiple choice. Bubble in as many as apply:
Choice A: Perhaps My Child is Legitimately Warm Natured.
If your child will jump into a swimming pool in April and not bat an eye, or wakes up with all sheets and blankets in a heap on the floor, she may just get hot easily.
Choice B: Perhaps My Child Has Aversion to Anything Restricting His or Her Legs from Moving Continuously, Even While in a Seat.
It’s the Princess and the Pea phenomenon. Kids are notorious for being extraordinarily bothered by things like tags, buttons, errant strings, waistbands and turtlenecks. I suppose legwear that extends beyond the knee falls into this category.
Choice C: Perhaps My Child Gets Nauseous on the School Bus with 90 of His or Her Closest Friends.
When you’re riding three to a seat with a bookbag, lunchbox, and diorama of the solar system, I suppose it could get a little steamy. I am rolling up my pant legs just thinking about it.
Choice D: Perhaps My Child’s Activity Level is Above Average.
I take about 9,000 steps a day. My child has one of those super GPS tracker phone watch contraptions that also counts steps. She usually clocks in with about 25,000 steps a day. Holy moly that’s a lot of steps ! And they have to take those watches off for basketball games, so who knows what game days add to the grand total.
Choice E: Perhaps My Child is Contrary and Does Not Give a Hoot What I Think She Should Wear.
She disagrees with everything I say these days, ranging from how I pronounce the word “Costco” to the number of grapes that should be placed in her lunch box, so I suppose it’s only natural for us to lock horns over outfits as well.
Choice F (naturally, F…): All of the Above.
Perhaps it’s a combination of factors that make year-round shorts so appealing to kids. But truthfully, it will forever be a mystery.
I never wrote that email to the teacher, but here is what it would have said:
Dear Teacher,
I promise my kid owns pants. She owns jeans and leggings, and jeans that look like leggings. She owns sweatpants and preppy Palm Beach pants covered with flowers. She owns capri pants and ankle length pants and pants that go all the way down. But you may not ever see these pants. I hope you know I love my child. I see that her teeth are brushed, her lunchbox is packed and her homework is done each morning before school. But I have waved the white flag on the “shorts in the winter” situation. After some extensive soul searching, I realized that I have been more concerned with what teachers and other parents were thinking about me and my parenting skills (or lack thereof) than whether or not my child was comfortable. If she gets cold enough, she probably has enough sense to put on the pants. Until then…
Yours Truly,
A Loving, Pants-Wearing Parent
