Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat? Celebrating the Value of Honesty

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Pinocchio’s nose grew when he was lying; wouldn’t it be nice if we could always tell when we were being lied to?

“Hurt me with the truth but never comfort me with a lie.”

The truth can hurt, but lies are devastating. Who likes to be lied to? No one that I know. No one likes a liar. Today is National Honesty Day, and I’ve been thinking about how important honesty is — and how we teach our children that.

When the fairy tale character Pinocchio lies, his nose grows longer. Wouldn’t it be interesting if that happened in real life? — if we had a clue that told us when people were lying to us?  How do you feel when someone lies to you?

If you ask your significant other, “does this dress make me look fat,” do you want the truth or do you want to be comforted with a lie? A lie might make you feel better for a time. But when someone lies to me, it makes me feel like I wasn’t worth the truth to that person. It makes me feel like they think I am ignorant and that my feelings do not matter. I know I am worth the truth and I know I am far from ignorant.

A teachable moment for my children

I recently had to decide how to stress the value of honesty to my children. A few months ago, my 9-year-old bonus daughter went through what I call a “lying phase.” It happened several times within a short time period and has not happened in a while since then.

The most upsetting incident was when she carved my son’s name into our kitchen table. When I noticed that someone had damaged our table, I wanted to know who did it. I had a suspicion that it was not my son because he has never been a child to write on walls or anything that he was not supposed to write on. I asked all of my children who wrote on my table, and all of them said they didn’t do it.

Now, this wasn’t just any table. My kitchen table is special to me because my dad painted it for me and helped me sand it. He spent hours working on that table for me. So I was really upset to find it damaged.

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We need to teach our children the value of honesty.

The next day when the kids arrived home from school, I read several Bible verses to them on lying: “The Lord detests lying lips,” “The Lord hates … a false witness who pours out lies,” “When (the devil lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies,” “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.” I told them that I was upset because I knew someone wasn’t telling the truth and that I would eventually find out who did it. They were all on electronic restriction until someone came clean.

A little while later my 9-year-old bonus daughter came to me and told me that she had carved my son’s name into our table to get him in trouble. She gave me a hug and told me that she was sorry.

Earlier, I had given the kids $4 each for snacks for the skating rink that evening. Instead of getting to go to the skating rink with her money, she had to buy a sanding sponge and sand where she carved into the table. Her brother got to go skating and use his $4 at the snack bar.

After she had finished sanding, I told her that I loved her and I hoped that she will in the future respect me enough to tell me, and everyone, the truth. I also told her that my dad had worked very hard on making that table pretty, and I explained the importance of respecting our own and others’ belongings. I told her that people who tell lies do not have many friends, and that I want the best for her and I wanted her to have a lot of friends.

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When you get to a crossroads, which way will you turn?

What my friends tell me

Here are what some of my friends have said how they feel when someone lies to them:

  • “Once someone lies to me, I really don’t feel much for that person anymore. I just want to give up on the relationship totally at that point.”  — Jessica
  • “I feel disrespected.” — Jonia
  • “It hurts.” — Ashley
  • “I try to figure out why they felt they needed to lie to me. Sometimes they felt they were protecting me. I get that. It hurts less when the person was honestly trying to keep me from pain. I forgive easily. I would rather forgive and move forward than dwell on it. It is more about the other person than it is about me, so I pray for them.” — Staciy
  • “If you lie to me, chances are I am done with you.” — Simone
  • “It makes me feel like they were scared of my reaction. They didn’t believe I could handle it in the proper manner.” — Amanda
  • “It makes me feel like they do not trust me enough to tell me the truth. They are worried about my reaction to the truth.” — Meagan
  • “Most everyone lies. Unless it is my husband I could care less if someone lies to me.” — Cassie
  • “I’m usually hurt [and] upset about them not being honest.” — Lyda
  • “I lose trust in the person.” — Lisa
  • “I always question whether they are lying again or actually telling the truth. I am fully convinced that the hardest language for anyone to speak is the truth.” — Beth

How do you feel when you find out that someone you care about has lied to you? How have you taught your children the importance of honesty?

2 COMMENTS

  1. What a great article! I love finding hands on ways to teach our children. Reinforcing it with the teachings of our Father make it even more complete!

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