October is Domestic Violence (DV) Awareness month. If you live in SC, the chances that you, or someone you love, have been (or will be) killed because of DV are definitely above average. In fact, for the past two decades, the entire time that the Violence Policy Center has been compiling it’s annual study When Men Murder Women, SC has ranked in the top 10 deadliest states for women killed by men.
It has hit #1 four times; the most recent being 2015. Last year, SC was ranked #5 and this year it has fallen just a little to #6 (this is based on data they collected from 2016). Forty-eight women, in SC, were documented as being killed by a man during 2016. In total, 1800 women were murdered at the hands of men across the nation according to the study. This does not take into account the thousands of women who still live in abusive domestic violence situations daily.
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, on average, 1 in every 3 women and 1 in every 4 men have been victims of intimate violence in their lifetime. In fact, there are more than 20,000 calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide every single day. Domestic violence is a very real and very big problem. If you have not experienced domestic violence, someone in your circle of friends and family has or will.
What can you do to help?
There’s a number of ways you can help with this problem. Just taking the time to read this article is a good first step, so thank you! Knowledge and awareness is extremely important in helping to bring change to any major issue such as this. Below are eight ways you can help make a difference in the life of someone you know and love who has, or will, be a victim at some point in their life.
1. Be Aware Of The Signs
Signs of domestic violence are often very subtle. They are not the black eyes and blue cheeks you see in movies. The signs can start to show early in a relationship or months later as abusers do not always show all of their cards early in the game. Be wary of the following red flags:
- Control of all financial decisions
- Damaging your property intentionally
- Publicly or privately embarrassing you or shaming you
- Jealousy of friends, family, or any time spent away from your partner
- Making you feel guilty for every thing that goes wrong in the relationship
- Preventing you from working or volunteering
- Pressuring you to have sex or perform sexual acts
- Physical intimidation and/or physical assault
2. Listen
If someone tells you they have been a victim or are currently in a possible abusive situation, it’s extremely important to listen to them and believe them – without judgement. Do not talk badly about their abusive partner as this can actually backfire and make them start defending that person and stay longer. Do not tell them that they need to stand up for themselves, ask them why they have stayed with that person, ask them what they may have done to provoke that person, or make them feel they are to blame for the situation in any way. Instead, listen and ask what you can do to help.
- Make sure you follow up with this person on a regular basis to see how they are doing and if they need any help
- Volunteer to do any research that they may need – help finding out about legal steps, help finding shelters, help with making an escape plan, etc.
- If that person is family or a close friend and you can take them in, offer to do so. Even if that person tells you no, at least they will know that there is a safe and familiar place that they can go if and when they decide to get out.
3. Document Everything
Whether you are the victim or you are a witness, document it all. I can’t stress enough just how important it is to have this documentation and any evidence that you can keep. This will be very valuable for police records and court.
4. Familiarize Yourself With Where to Get Help
Know the numbers for the domestic violence hotline (800-799-7233), local shelters, sexual assault hotline (800-656-4673), and suicide prevention hotline (800-273-8255). Share this information with anyone who opens up to you about what they are going through, on social media, and in any public place that you may have control over.
5. If You See Something, Say Something
Never assume it’s none of your business. If you hear screaming from next door or the apartment upstairs that is unusual or you can clearly tell that it’s a bad situation, call the police. If you see someone being dragged down the street, call the police. Always think to yourself, “If that was my child, would I want someone to do something?” If the answer is yes, then YOU be the one to do something.
6. Spread Awareness and/or Volunteer
There are many ways that you can share awareness, and social media is a good tool for that. Do not be afraid to share statistics, facts, and hotline numbers for all of your social media friends to see. The more people see, the more they become aware and are also able to help when needed. You can also volunteer at your local shelters or domestic violence/sexual assault centers. A quick google search and you can find many ways to help those in need.
7. Teach Your Children
From the time they can understand words until they are grown, teach your children how to treat others with respect, but also teach them what is not acceptable behavior from others. Teach your children to be independent, that women are not meant to be dominated by men, and what healthy relationships look like. Remember, most abusive relationships are between the ages of 18 and 24, so they are just becoming adults when this is most likely to happen.
8. Enhance Your Knowledge
Never assume that just because someone is nice to you, they are good to those who love them. Abusers are often very manipulative people. There’s multiple forms of abusers, many forms of domestic violence, and it can happen to anyone at any time. This article can only provide a little on this topic. There’s hundreds of resources online that can provide much more detailed information. I definitely recommend with The National Domestic Abuse Hotline website as a starting point.
