I’m laying here next to my daughter (she won’t fall asleep unless I do) scrolling through Facebook and this picture comes up with the caption, “It’s a joy to watch my daughter being an amazing mommy.”
Wow, such a simple statement with such a big impact on my heart.
I’m so happy for that family and the mom who gets to watch her own daughter be a mom! But at the same time, I’m a little sour. Maybe even a little envious? Definitely a lot sad. It’s not easily summed up with a few little words, describing the feeling … that feeling of space in my heart and soul that cannot be filled until the day I am reunited with my mom.
It is sometimes a daily struggle still. Periods of time when it feels like there are triggers left and right. Things I read that bring me back to a memory. Pictures I see that remind me of what I will not have. Songs I hear that instantly bring back my mom’s voice.
It’s a crazy, intense, beautifully stressful journey living life having lost my mom at such a pivotal time in life. I was thirty years old with an eighteen month old and one month from having my second child.
I was emotional she could not be here to share this life. We were robbed of our time together and her time with her grandkids. I was robbed of the person I could call with those random silly questions that nobody else would the know the answer to. Am I right?!
Other times it feels like I’m so blessed that I get my mom with me all day, every day. She’s in the laughs of my kids. When I experience something magical, she’s right there to support and celebrate with. The birds and flowers that literally appear in my path out of nowhere to just let me know she loves me.
Gotta love moms. They just know how to make anything better and bring the feeling of being home with just the sound of their voice. Even though I, along with so many others, don’t have their mothers here on earth anymore, they are always in our heart space. The space that feels empty and gaping. The space that not anyone or anything can ever fill. That space will only always be for our sacred mothers. And knowing that she is always here, always around, always loving, helps me.
For those who have lost their mothers, at any age or stage of life, cherish those memories and the things that trigger them. Remember their laughs, those bright smiles, and loving hugs. Be comforted in the fact that one day, you’ll be reunited and it will be for eternity. So much love to you all! Xoxo
