Grandparents :: The Backyard Family

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    In honor of Grandparents’ Day we’re paying tribute with a special series dedicated to Grandma and Grandpa, Mormor and Farmor, Oma and Opa — those doting elders who’ve done their time in the parenting trenches.

    One of the best blessings in life is the number of people who love our children. As children grow and flourish, having a stable support system to help guide them is paramount. There will be plenty of moments in which our kids require loving and patience!

    3 generations 3
    Keep grandparents part of the family, and everyone will reap the rewards.

    A simple, beautiful solution, which helps alleviate the caregiver fatigue that threatens to overwhelm even the most energetic mom and/or dad, is to have more eyes on your offspring. Someone else is watching. Your focus still has to be laser-like and unwavering, but it is not the single point of failure in watching over your child. Someone else cares enough to want what’s best for your child, to love them.

    The solution: Grandparents.

    The modern American way seems to concentrate only on the nuclear family. After you grow up, you’re supposed to go off and make your own little family, only to connect with parents and siblings during holidays and twice-monthly phone calls.

    However, that is not true for a great many of us. We still practice in extended family relationships — our childhood families live close by.

    Here are some tips from Midlands families with very active grandparenting partners.

    3 generations
    Our parents have much to offer, both to us and to our children.
    • One thing you must do is grow together. The adult/child roles that you and your parents recognized for almost two decades are no longer. You are both adults now, with a precious life to nurture. It’s natural for parents at times feel like they are still children when their parents are around; and many grandparents feel that their good intentions/advice are dismissed as antiquated. There must be a balance of respect. This can only happen with honest and respectful communication between people that strive to be their best. However, once this balance can be achieved, and if it is actively maintained, it is a wonderful thing. A thing to maximize your children’s chances of flourishing in their life. Isn’t it worth it?
    • Another common issue is feeling that it’s a competition. This is not unique to grandparents; it can also be between parenting partners as well. However, just as you have an unlimited amount of love for each of your children, your children can have an unlimited amount of love for their caretakers. They don’t say, “I was born with 100 units of love, to be split up and then it runs out. If there is more love for one, there is less love for another.” No, this is not true. You can divide infinity by whatever number you want, it is still infinity. If there is anything that is truly limitless in this existence, it is our capacity for love.
    • Don’t sweat the natural ebb and flow of a normally fluctuating family dynamic. Keep in your heart the blessing of your children having such an involved family. If one parent is sick or otherwise indisposed to care for their child, then there is already a familiar caregiver able to step in. If it is a longer-term issue, it makes the transition easier for your child, as they are already bonded.

    The grandparent-parent-child dynamic is like a good, fast dance at times. You have to keep moving and adjusting to do it right. Let your kids watch and learn by your examples. When they hit adulthood, let their childhood norm be to keep in touch with their parents (you). And expect to interact with your own grandchildren! It’s something you won’t regret.

    Cherish the grandparent-child bond.

    Has your relationship with your parents changed as you became parents and they became grandparents? Talk about it in the comments.

     

    Photo credits, top to bottom: megnut / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC 2.0); Ikusuki / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)
    Slideshow images, clockwise from left: megnut / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC 2.0); juliejordanscott / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0); John Kroll / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC 2.0)

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