How to Savor Motherhood :: Advice From an Experienced Mom

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I want a do-over.

As the years passed and we never were able to have another child, I kept thinking I would be so much better at it the second time around.

A do-over.

I spent a lot of time focused what I thought I was doing wrong; I did not notice what I was really doing well.

It is part of what happens for moms, from pregnancy to the teenage years. We hear, see, and read so much advice that we worry constantly that we are doing it WRONG. My friend, Laura, and I used to tease each other about this. We knew we were creating children that would need therapy for many of our parenting mistakes. (You are welcome, mental health care providers! Or so we thought.) Flash forward several years … my daughter is now a teenager (and not a messed up, despite all the “mistakes” I spent hours worrying about).

Imagine my surprise.

Today, while I’m sifting my way through driver’s license tests and college applications with my child, it seems most of my friends are just beginning their parenthood journey. So I’ve taken on the role of the older and wiser sister, Aunt Stardust, by name.

This is my do-over.

It’s really easy. I can sleep, eat when I want to and take a break from child rearing at any time. I can easily rock a three week old to sleep, cook for others and watch a child long enough for a friend to take a shower. I love this Aunt Stardust gig! And it is putting in perspective my insecurities as a mom, especially those days early on when I thought I was doing it all wrong.

aunt stardust
Aunt Stardust allows me my “do-over” as a mom. I’m able to put all the insecurities aside I had as a first time mom, and truly trust and enjoy my abilities to parent.

So Aunt Stardust has some advice to all you mamas wondering if you’re doing the right thing, from someone who has been in your shoes:

In the words of one of my favorite moms, savor every moment. Leave the laundry and the dishes, lay in bed, watch too much TV, and quit worrying. If your little one isn’t on a schedule, don’t worry. If they are on a schedule, then GREAT! Go with it.

Guess what? People are going to think you are doing it wrong. They will give you unsolicited advice, disapproving looks, whispers to others on how you could be doing it better. Take it with a grain of salt. Talk to other moms who have experienced what you are going through, research what you’re struggling with, talk to your doctor, and then make a decision that’s best for you and your family. Maybe it will resemble some of the unsolicited advice you received, and maybe it will be the total opposite. Every child is different, and what works for one doesn’t always work for another. And that’s okay.

Guess what else? Your child will make you feel like you’re doing it wrong. He or she is going to throw a fit in the mall or the grocery store. You cannot stop it. Your child might bite or hit or tell you, “You are not a good mommy.” (This last one was almost too much for me.) You ARE a good mommy. Sometimes raising kids is not easy and lessons are hard to teach. Just remember these things happen, figure out what works for you and your child and then problem-solve, in the context of your own parent-child relationship, on what can help.

Don’t worry, this too shall pass. Remember, savor every moment (even the tough ones). One day you will look back at the tantrums, fights, disapproving looks and insecurities … and they will be a small blimp on your parenting journey.

With all this in mind, it’s time for a different kind of do-over. One for today. One for all the expectant moms, new moms and yes, even moms of teenagers. Give yourself a break! Enjoy the journey. You got this mama! I promise!

Love y’all, mean it!

Aunt Stardust

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