I grew up in a fairly strict Korean household. It was just my mother and me, and my mother was your typical Asian “Tiger Mom.” She told me I couldn’t date until I went to college (even though I broke this rule). I had a 10 p.m. curfew in high school (which my boyfriend who is now my husband loved because he could drop me off and then go out with the boys). If I got a 98 on an assignment, you better believe my mom asked me why I missed two points. Even better, she asked if other people made a higher grade.
Now that I have three kids of my own, I realize I’m slowly becoming my mother. I’m not AS strict, but I am the stricter parent. And while I am involved in all of my kids’ activities and school work, I trust my kids when they tell me they’ve done their homework (I don’t check behind them). I also remind them once usually to grab their bookbag. There was one time where my daughter forgot her bookbag at school and I almost didn’t take it to school. I doubt my mother would have brought mine to me. But then again, I also didn’t forget because I knew that.
Now that I’m older, I understand why my mom parented the way she did. She wanted to prepare me to succeed as an adult. Truthfully, I feel the world has become too soft in our day and age. Feelings get hurt a little too easily. I’m not saying that there aren’t things in the world that need to be addressed (and bullying definitely needs to be one of them). But, it seems like people are offended at EVERYTHING now. Even this post has been a few months in the making as I come back to it each time and wonder if I’m going to offend anyone.
My mom told me it was her expectation for me to finish high school, college and possibly more (but I wasn’t destined to be a doctor! LOL). I understood that if I didn’t finish college, I should plan accordingly because coming home was not an option. This fear made me stronger and work harder at my studies. And while strict, my mom deterred me from getting a job in college. My job was to study now and work later.
As my children get older, yes, I will continue to be the stricter parent and expect a lot of them. I won’t instill fear in them quite like my mother did to me. However, I will give them some tough love at times. I told myself I would never be like my mom, but I know I am and I’m OK with it. If I am half the mom that she is, then I know my kids will succeed.
