Intactivist :: My Son Was Born This Way and He is Perfect

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Circumcision is not a topic that many people openly discuss. It hits the three major “no-no” categories of polite conversation: sex, religion and politics.

When I learned I was pregnant in August of 2013, I knew that this baby growing inside me was perfect. He or she was made in the image of God, and I would do everything in my power as Mommy to protect this life I was a partner in creating.

Asher was four days old the first time I was allowed to hold him.
I could not in good conscience allow my son to be circumcised.

When I was three months pregnant, a friend shared some memes on her Facebook wall about keeping baby boys intact (uncircumcised). I was intrigued. After doing a bit of research and arming myself with some knowledge, I knew I could never allow this procedure to be performed on my own child, should I be blessed with a son.

There are three major reasons why I made this choice to allow my son, Asher, to remain intact, and I used these reasons to back up my case when presenting my point of view to my husband. He is circumcised and saw nothing wrong with the practice. For as long as he can consciously remember, he has been this way, so he does not know what he is missing.

Eventually, he agreed that we would not have Asher circumcised, after I showed him how silly his only argument supporting circumcision sounded. He said that because he was circumcised, Asher should be as well. He didn’t want his son to be confused because he looked different.

I then suggested we take our two-year-old daughter to the tattoo shop to have a shamrock and a butterfly tattooed on her leg so she could look like me. She might be confused as an adult if we did not look alike!

My husband is fluent in sarcasm, and sometimes it is the only way to make him see my point of view.

These are the main reasons I had for making the choice I did:

Religious Authenticity

When Abraham made the covenant with God by circumcising himself and either his son Isaac (Jewish and Christian tradition) or Ishmael (Muslim tradition), circumcision meant “to cut.” This meant a slit cut in the prepuce, or foreskin, generally on the underside of the penis. Over time, the circumcision practice grew to include amputation of the entire foreskin as a means of controlling and lessening male desire by reducing ability to feel pleasure.

Because the current practice is not the same as what Abraham performed, I feel that the current version of circumcision is not religiously authentic and has been corrupted by man.

Traditionally, Jewish boys are circumcised at 8 days old, at a ceremony known as a bris. Going to college in New York and participating in events with Hillel and Chabad centers (Jewish student clubs), I had been to bris parties. I know that these babies felt pain. The screams and cries of these 8-day-old boys will forever haunt me. This was the only way these babies had to communicate that they did not like what was happening to them. Unfortunately, I have never heard anyone come to these babies’ defense by yelling “STOP!” in answer to their cries and pleas for help.

To read more about Judaism and circumcision, please visit beyondthebris.com and drmomma.org.

As someone who was raised as a Roman Catholic, and who has recently returned to the faith, I believe that all of us, both male and female, are children of God, made in His image. To force cosmetic surgery on my infant son would be to alter God’s image, and I found this idea troubling. After reading a bit more, I learned that early Christians did not circumcise their sons, as there was a new covenant created by Jesus Christ that replaced Abraham’s covenant (which was symbolized by the circumcision).

To read about Christianity and circumcision, please visit drmomma.org.

Momma Bear Protection

crying newborn
Would you want to have surgery without anesthesia?

I can’t stand to hear my children cry, so why would I then sign off on cosmetic surgery without anesthesia?  The truth of the matter is many doctors do not use anesthesia, according to this piece on PsychologyToday.com. If it is used, it is only a local anesthetic, and rarely do doctors wait long enough for it to take effect. General anesthesia is not recommended for infants, as it can cause breathing difficulty.

The two most common methods of infant circumcision today are the Gomco clamp and the Plastibell device. Some doctors and nurses tell new mothers that the Plastibell method does not involve cutting; however, this is false. (Read the account of one mother who believed this at SavingSons.org.) If I had not already read what that procedure entails, my son might have fallen victim as a result of this misinformation. If medical professionals are unable to be honest about what exactly is being done to my child and I know this, why would I consent to allow them to do it?

His Body, His Choice

Genital Integrity Awareness
A pink and blue ribbon symbolizes the genital integrity movement.

I have read numerous accounts of female survivors of genital cutting, also known as female genital mutilation. These girls were not given a choice, and their bodies were violated. The parts being cut off of these girls are analogous to the foreskin of males. This practice is banned in the United States. Why are we protecting our daughters from this practice but not our sons?

Circumcision is more than just a little snip. It removes (on average) one-third of the penile skin system (inner and outer foreskin layers, which are highly sensitive), including the peripenic dartos muscle, the frenar band and part of the frenulum. To understand more about these structures and what they are for, please visit thewholenetwork.org.

There is no medical reason why circumcision should be performed electively on a healthy newborn boy. Newborns who have been circumcised are more prone to infections. In fact, the penises of uncircumcised boys are cleaner, due to the protection of the foreskin. Infections only occur as a result of incorrect or misinformed care. Just remember: If intact, don’t retract. Wipe only what you see on the outside.

Three Months Old and Still Intact

Asher, while in the care of The Attached Nanny
Asher, while in the care of a nanny.

I faced criticism from the daycare Asher originally attended, as well as from some family members (most of whom were male and themselves circumcised). I attempted to educate the daycare on proper intact care. But after just two weeks there, a person covering the break of his usual caregivers changed Asher’s diaper, and attempted to retract his foreskin. I realized this when there was evidence his foreskin had been pulled back forcibly. This would not happen naturally to infant boys, as the foreskin is naturally adhered to the glans of the penis, similarly to the way your fingernail is attached to your finger.

I was upset, but I continued to try to educate, and then I overheard a few of the teachers talking about me outside, mocking me and my baby. I was livid and removed my children from the care of that center.  A nanny watched Asher temporarily, and she was educated in proper intact care.

Asher remains happy and healthy and whole.

To learn more about keeping your son intact, and caring for an intact penis, visit these Facebook pages: 

Did you choose to leave your son intact or circumcise? What reasons lead you towards your decision?

 

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Barbara Reggio
Barbara Reggio is a wife, mother, and small business owner. She has been married to Jonathan since May 2011, and they are partners in parenting their two children, Lucie (January 2012) and Asher (April 2014). The Reggio family relocated to West Columbia from Long Island, NY in March 2013 when Jonathan accepted a job transfer. She has the best of both worlds working both outside the home at a Customs House Brokerage and running her home based business, Trendy Babywearing. She holds a Bachelor’s of Science degree in Maritime Studies from the State University of New York at Maritime College. When she is not working or writing articles for Columbia SC Moms Blog, Barbara enjoys walking at the Riverbanks Zoo with her family, babywearing, reading, singing along to the radio (loudly) in her car, loom knitting, documenting her children's lives with photography, and writing on her personal blog http://www.trendsettermom.com/. Barbara is currently working on her goal of becoming a lifetime member with Weight Watchers.

7 COMMENTS

  1. Great story with a lot of interesting facts I never knew! I am glad to have a better understanding of your choice. I am also appalled that you received such a negative reaction from his initial caregivers! Shame on them.

  2. Thank you for this very common sense post. You sure don’t sound like some “crazy intactivist loony” to me. (I’m continually appalled by how staunch pro-circumcisers hate hearing the facts and loudly insist that the people who educate on being intact are invasive, out-of-line crazies). With calm, persistent, undeniable information like you have here, this barbaric insanity can end.

  3. Thank you. As an RN and a Mother I know there is no medical reason to circumcise a newborn. If he wants to be cut when he can decide, that should be left to him. It is not cleaner nor more hygienic, in fact a baby boy is easier to clean than a baby girl, no folds. Just clean the outside, never try to move the foreskin away from the head of the penis. In a newborn, it is attached like your fingernail to your finger. The only person who should ever touch his foreskin to move it is the boy himself. When he is old enough and retractable, a quick rinse in the shower is all he needs. If you can teach your son to wipe his butt, brush his teeth and floss, then he can learn to keep his penis clean. Since the foreskin has 20,000 nerves, removing it changes his sex life forever. If you want your son to have his best life, and that includes his sexual life, do not circumcise him.

  4. I thank God that my mother (retired RN) informed me about circumcision when I was pregnant with my first son. I didn’t have him circumcised because of that but I still didn’t fully understand. It wasn’t until I was pregnant with my second son that I found the Saving Our Sons Facebook page. I watched the video of that poor baby’s circumcision. The sound of his cry will haunt me always. It makes me cry just to talk about it. Thank you for writing this informative article.

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