Let’s Be Honest :: Reflections On Mother’s Day

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Mother’s Day has come and gone, and it’s left me thinking.

Actually, if I’m being honest, I’ve had quite a few thoughts on this holiday for the past few years now; thoughts on how I feel about it. I’ve never mentioned these thoughts to anyone before because I’ve always thought if I did, other women wouldn’t agree with me. But, this year I’ve been thinking that maybe I’m not the only one after all; maybe, just maybe there are other moms who agree with me. 

So, here we go…

In all honesty, I’m actually not the biggest fan of Mother’s Day

Now that that’s out in the open, let me tell you why I feel this way. 

When I first became a mom, Mother’s Day always felt magical. I was just learning the ropes; elbow deep in diapers, breastfeeding, potty training, threenagers, and more. And while it was difficult, it still felt amazing.

Mother’s Day in the early days seemed to hold more meaning because we’d ALWAYS do something to celebrate. It was that “you’re still a new(ish) mom, and everything is great, and you should be gloriously celebrated” kind of feeling. But now that my boys are seven and ten, things feel different. 

Hallmark wants you to think that Mother’s Day is all about going out to brunch, perfect family pictures, moments you’ll treasure the rest of your life, a perfect bouquet of roses, and a day where mom is spoiled all day long and doesn’t lift a finger to do anything. Anything at all. I don’t know about you, but in my world, that is WAY far away from reality. Like, I’m talking from Earth to Pluto (And yes, I think Pluto is a planet) far away from reality. 

For me, Mother’s Day is just like any other day of the year. The only exception is that my kids make me uber cute cards and they and my husband buy me flowers. Sometimes I get a “spa treatment” from my boys as well, but otherwise, it might as well be any ‘ol Sunday any other time of year.

Let me give you a glimpse into what this year was like to prove my point:

Mother’s Day morning my youngest woke me up, before my alarm clock went off, to ask me if he could play on my cell phone. I tried to go back to sleep but my cat kept licking my face as she tried to get cozy and snuggle. My husband was nowhere to be found. My ten-year-old then came in to tell me he was really tired (a result of being up late the night before), and asking if we were going to church. I finally gave in and got up because I knew I wasn’t going to get any more sleep before my alarm clock eventually went off. 

I went downstairs and found my husband and boys sprawled on the couches watching TV. I set up breakfast for the boys, ate myself, and then headed upstairs to shower and get ready for church. After my son asked me again if we were going in person or if we could watch it on TV because he was tired. 

We went to church, and all was well. After church, my boys argued in the car on the way home, as per usual. At home, we ate lunch, called grandmas to wish them a Happy Mother’s Day, and then my boys proceeded to argue some more and fight over toys. I then did get a spa treatment from my youngest and enjoyed that. But afterward, I went downstairs, pulled out my laptop, and settled in for a few hours of grading and lesson planning

I say “settled in” but that didn’t really happen. I mean, I’m a mom. I get constantly interrupted by my kids who need my help right now, this very second. So I have to stop what I’m doing to help them. Why couldn’t my husband help them, you ask? Well, because he was taking a nap on the couch. So it was up to mommy to meet the requests of our children while trying to get some work done at the same time. And that included blowing up our inflatable pool for the first time this season, and filling it with water. All for my child who then decided NOT to go swimming after all. 

Later there was making dinner, eating dinner, and dinner clean up. All.The.Dishes. All while my husband and sons relaxed. After that was bedtime, which included putting my older son to bed who wasn’t feeling well and almost had a panic attack due to his anxiety. 

It was a typical day in our house. No one made me breakfast in bed. No one else did the dishes or cooked dinner. There was no relaxing and doing whatever I wanted; no being waited on. It was a Sunday like any other. 

Here’s the other thing…I look at all those social media posts about Mother’s Day, and all the pictures, and then I think about those I know whose mom isn’t here anymore. I think about my aunt who passed away a few years ago; about my grandmother who I so desperately miss; my friend whose mother died when she was just 10 years old; about my college friend who passed away five years ago. What must her daughters feel? How do they handle Mother’s Day? It’s difficult enough living without your mother (or grandmother) without having a day like Mother’s Day to remind you of how much you miss her. 

And let’s not forget those who have suffered a miscarriage. Or, in some cases, more than one miscarriage. Mother’s Day is often difficult for them as well. It’s a memory of loss instead of one of joy. 

Do I think mothers should be celebrated? Of course. But do I feel like we need one special day to do that? A day that will most likely end up just like any other day? A day that could possibly cause grief to some instead of joy? No, I don’t. In fact, I honestly wouldn’t care if we didn’t celebrate Mother’s Day anymore. 

I think that instead of taking one day to focus on our moms and ourselves as mothers, we should find little things to celebrate EVERY DAY. Call your mom just because. Send a friend a text or note in the mail to encourage her and let her know she’s doing a great job at this parenting thing. Let your aunts and grandmother know how much you love them by just spending time with them (if you’re able). Tell those women who have been mother figures to you, how you feel about them; how much you appreciate them. Buy them flowers or a small gift just because.

Don’t wait for that one specific day to come along. And if your mom is no longer here, celebrate her by telling your children stories about her. Maybe write a journal about your mom, or make a special photo album filled with memories of her. Whatever it is, find your own way to celebrate. 

Honestly, I’d much rather do that than celebrate Mother’s Day once a year. 

How do you feel about Mother’s Day? 

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