So the other morning, my younger daughter had approximately a half-gallon of lemonade for breakfast.
And I didn’t really care that much.
And another morning before that, my older daughter made and ate some cupcakes for breakfast. At noon-thirty.
And I didn’t really care that much.
My younger daughter stayed up until about 4 a.m. watching TV one night last month. (My husband, the Professor, discovered her when he woke up for the day at that hour.)
And I didn’t really care that much.
Most days, both girls are on their devices playing games against their friends and FaceTiming for most of the day.
And I don’t really care that much.
Y’all seeing a pattern?
I mean, I DO care. Of course, I do. I promise, I do. My youngest has been doing most of her Cross Country training runs and my oldest asked if she could take Geometry during the summer so she could skip ahead to Pre-Calc in the fall (AS A FRESHMAN. Yes, totally (not humble) bragging about my kid). So they are doing some stuff. But for the most part…
I just don’t really care that much.
It’s been a time, hasn’t it? And it’s exhausting, isn’t it? And there’s a lot to worry about, isn’t there? Lately, I am finding myself SO. APATHETIC. I hate it, but I understand it and I DON’T REALLY CARE THAT MUCH.
I don’t consider myself (under normal, non-global-pandemic circumstances) to be a particularly permissive parent. My job is to parent my kids – to lead them into successful and productive adulthood – not be their friend. So I have no problem telling them, “no.” I’m the mean mom and I’m totally cool with that.
But all this shutting-in and social-distancing, and mask-wearing, and vacation-cancelling, and Zoom-calling, and home-staying, and no-birthday-partying, and no-sleepovering, and only-outside-time-togethering? None of it’s ideal. None of it’s what they want to do.
It’s important. It’s the right thing to do. We believe in sacrificing our individual wants for the greater good. We get it.
But, honestly, it kind of sucks. And I know I don’t need to tell you that. I know you’ve been experiencing this yourself.
I think what’s happening with me is that because they haven’t really been able to do anything they want to do, I’m letting them do anything they can do.
Except now they’re getting ready to head back to school, and we all have to get used to structure and discipline and doing things.
But we’ve been doing nothing for so long – it’s really hard to get hyped up for schedules and to reintroduce silly, nebulous concepts like bedtime, screen-time limits, and general productivity.
And I don’t really care that much.
I mean, I DO care. Of course, I do. I promise, I do. I’m just (like you, I’m sure) fatigued. WEARY. If I could go back, I would do lockdown differently – not be so permissive and keep everyone in more of a routine. But back in the spring? And into the summer?
I simply did the best I could at the time.
I fear part of my continued apathy is that I’m positive they’ll be back at home for some more online learning by the end of September. I HOPE I’M WRONG, but trying to get everyone back to structure when, in the back of my head, I think it’s all going to unravel again is affecting my motivation.
This is a hard time, y’all. If you have littles or are a single parent, or have a job that’s not flexible, or are worried about where the next payment is going to come from, it’s even harder. So be kind to yourself. Be kind to your neighbors. Be kind to the strangers on the street. And know you’re doing the best you can at the time. You don’t have to do everything perfectly. Or even all that well at times.
Sometimes, it’s OK to just say that you don’t really care that much – and try again tomorrow.
Good luck to all of us…
Good luck to all of us as we begin the school year, however we’re beginning it. Good luck to all of us as we continue to maneuver through a global pandemic and the weariness it brings us. And good luck to all of us whose kids are waking up way too late and eating frosting right from the can.
