Mean Girls Survival Kit :: 4 Tips for Finding Real Friends at Any Age


Mean Girls Survival Kit - 4 Tips for Finding Real Friends at Any Age -- Columbia SC Moms Blog

Have you ever had to deal with a mean girl (here’s looking at you Regina George) … or are you a mean girl and just don’t realize it?

If you’re like most girls out there, the answer is yes. And like many of us, we counted down the days until we were out of school and off to college where we wouldn’t have to deal with these “mean girls” anymore. But somehow there was another similar group of girls in college, and then we found ourselves counting down the days to graduation so we could get into the real world where women like this didn’t exist — only to find that when we got out into the workforce, there. they. are. again.

It’s a vicious, never-ending cycle.

If you have the same circle of friends before and after you have children — it’s a rarity and you are blessed! Most women have to find a new circle once they have kids. And I’ll let you in on a secret … finding your BBF in adulthood is no easier than in middle school.

A circle of friends that I used to be apart of started a bunch of unnecessary drama. Certain people bullied others with their online comments because they didn’t believe the same things they did. Just because someone doesn’t see eye-to-eye on an issue doesn’t mean that they are wrong and you are right. It just makes you different. Personally, I think that is what makes friendships fun — differences. I wish the “mean girls” out there could see this benefit too.

As you are out there navigating the journey to finding true friends and determining who in your current inner circle is worth keeping close, keep these four important factors in mind. They have helped me tremendously, and I wish someone would have shared them with me during those tough middle school years to save me some heartache.

Nobody needs a Regina George in their life. (AP Photo/ Michael Gibson)

Guard Your Heart

After I had my daughter I went through postpartum depression. When she was 6 months old I finally dragged myself out of the house to a local parenting group meeting.

At first these ladies seemed welcoming. I wanted to become more involved in their group so I attended all of their meetings and volunteered. On several occasions I hosted my own playdates within the group and no one showed up — which is fine — we are all busy mamas so I totally understood. However on one occasion when I got home later that day, I noticed photos on Facebook with about 10 of the other volunteers all eating brunch together from earlier that morning.

Wow. I was hurt.

Maybe they already had the brunch planned? I don’t know. All I know is that I wasn’t invited and that really stung. But my daughters and I had an awesome time picking strawberries on the playdate I planned, and that was a plus!

Don’t Settle

Don’t settle on friends who you don’t feel you can totally be yourself with. There are many schools of thought on parenting. You need to choose friends who support you. If you tell your child “no,” you don’t need to feel judged by your peers because you parent differently. Social media has made it easy to find your “tribe.” There are plenty of moms groups available that support different parenting styles. Chose a circle where YOU feel you can be yourself.

Walk Away

If the mean girls are at your job, it’s a little harder to walk away than if they are acquaintances. Regardless, keep in mind you are an adult and you don’t have to take bullying from anyone. Don’t associate yourself with women who bring you down. Their attitude is more contagious than you think. Walk away from people who don’t help bring out your best qualities.

Seek Reassurance

Talk to your BFF and make sure you’re not just overreacting. Let’s face it, we’re ladies, and sometimes we catch ourselves being dramatic to a fault. When I feel like I might be letting my emotions take over, I call my close friend, Amy, for some reassurance. There have been times she has totally agreed with how I felt and other times where she has talked some sense into me. It is so nice to be able to call someone you trust and tell them what’s going out without judgement. Bonus if you can end the conversation with “am I being crazy?” … knowing you’ll get a honest response. And hey, it’s free therapy really.

Finding your tribe and close circle of friends is a daunting task once you have children. I was very fortunate to find my mom BFF in a local playgroup for parents. Keep these tips in mind as you find the right group of friends for you. You deserve people in your life who support and believe in YOU … just the way you are. Best of luck, mama!

Have you ever dealt with a mean girl? How did you handle the situation? What advice would you give?


  1. I tried to convince myself for years that a BFF wasn’t really necessary being such a busy mom, but I was so wrong! Being able to call you as a trusted friend helps me be the best mom. You can’t pour from an empty cup so I agree it is important to find friends that charge you up not drain you down

  2. Here’s the problem I have with this- did you ever think to approach these people about it face to face? Do you think that maybe they didn’t know you felt hurt and left out? Is there a reason to go on a mommy blog to bash other than to incite more drama? Do you maybe think that people struggle as much as you? I can tell you that’s a yes. This is just as just as hurtful as you claim to be hurt. There are always two sides to the story. Maybe you need to think about that. :/ Not many people hurt people on purpose. Wish you the best.

  3. If she is referring to the group I believe she is, I noticed the same issues as well. I’ve also spoken with other members of this group who have agreed that it’s “clicky” and unwelcoming. This article was great and I don’t think there was any bashing at all. She voiced her opinion and gave helpful insight to other moms in regards to friendship. I’d just be happy she didn’t lay it right out there and name the group she was in!

  4. You know what makes it different? She wrote this TO hurt people. You can’t deny it no matter how hard you try. I’ve never intentionally tried to hurt anyone in my life. Who’s the mean girl now?

    • As the editor and owner of the blog, the author and I spoke in great detail and I can honestly say this piece was not written to hurt people, but rather to provide helpful tips to those moms out there looking to find their tribe. It’s not the same for everyone, and sometimes, it can be a long and hard process for some moms to find the right fit. The main focus of the piece is 4 helpful tips to keep in mind when finding mom friends.

  5. What a joke. This was written to bash one of the sweetest mom groups in Columbia – who would be stunned and deeply apologetic has it been brought to their attention rather than snarked at on the internet. Shame on CCMB for perpetuating the mean girl cycle.

    • In all honesty, this piece was written by the author as an attempt to help moms create true friendships as an adult with the inclusion of having children in your life, which brings an entire different dynamic. As the editor and publisher of pieces on this blog who is a member of several mom groups in the area, I can honestly say reading this piece brings no indication of a particular group in question. Had it been demeaning or slamming of a local group, we would not have published it, as our goal is to support all our local mother groups in the Columbia area. Our author is sharing her feelings about an experience, including understanding about how moms are busy and she had a great time with her children that day – no bashing, but rather her feelings with a positive spin … by no means perpetuating the mean girl cycle. The recount of the story was a very small piece of the overall message in the article.

      • “Maybe they already had the brunch planned? I don’t know. All I know is that I wasn’t invited and that really stung. But my daughters and I had an awesome time picking strawberries on the playdate I planned, and that was a plus!”

        The author used the story to say that you should guard your heart, but the author obviously made no attempt to find out the truth of the situation since she said she didn’t know if the brunch was pre-planned and that she was hurt she wasn’t invited. This indicates an assumption on the part of the writer and demonstrates that she didn’t follow through in sharing her feelings with the people in question. That, vs writing about it on a website, would have been the more mature action. If this is going to be used as a guide for making mom friends, get ready for even more pettiness.

  6. I hope anyone who had an issue with me and valued my friendship would bring their concerns to me instead of just disappearing. That’s part of being an adult.

  7. Thank you for posting this! I am not sure if you are mentioning the same group or not, but I had a similar experience. After more than a year of trying to be part of the group, I gave up and started to focus on the friendships I had made along the way. Being a mom is hard enough. Dealing with unnecessary drama while raising little people doesn’t need to be a part of the equation.

  8. Thanks for sharing your story, Lauren. I have no idea who you are talking about, b/c you were classy and kept it anonymous. Have a great holiday!

  9. I tried a few moms groups when I was a SAHM and found some groups more welcoming and friendly than others. I don’t think this article was judgmental at all. I wish I had read about this before entering into the worlds of playdates and moms groups.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here