Stick with me while I work through this. My oldest daughter is almost seven. Up until now, the issues she’s faced range from switching best friends, failing to receive the coveted “game ball”, or the jealousy that comes with being the only kid in her class who hasn’t lost a tooth. I am well-aware that I am standing, no teetering, on the edge of much more difficult seasons of life to come.
One of my biggest concerns is that I will not be able to teach her about the self-confidence she will need to arm herself with to cope with the trials she will soon face. Self-confidence is something as elusive to me as spotting a shooting star, or a meteor shower. People may talk about it, some people may even watch it, but the moment is fleeting, and soon forgotten.
So, the question that arises is, how do I practice what I preach, or put my money where my mouth is, so to speak when it comes to this quality that I am so desperate to bestow upon both of my daughters one day?
Growing up, I never possessed a great amount of self-confidence. I was pretty good at sports, had a few friends, and made good grades. I never stood out in a crowd, tried out for the lead role in the school play, went for the solo, shot the three-pointer, took chances to be noticed, or really took risks of any kind. I was perfectly content blending in, in fact, I was fairly desperate to.
One of the moments in my childhood that completely epitomizes this fact was my middle school student council election. Picture it, a room full of pubescent tweens voting for one another with heads down and hands up in the campus science lab. Somehow, by some miracle or unfortunate twist of fate, my name ended up on the ballot.
When my name was called, my hand stayed down, my eyes tightly shut, willing the moment to pass quickly and painlessly. I didn’t even have the confidence to vote for myself! And guess what, I lost by ONE vote! So, I am a cautionary tale. How do I teach her NOT to be like me in this way without exposing my vulnerability. Aren’t we supposed to be perfect? Infallible even?
Now I’m at an impasse that causes me to think about one of the biggest blessings of motherhood – unconditional love. Given and received. At this age, this precipice of childhood, your children truly love you no matter what you look like, the size you are, what kind of mood you’re in, the day you’re having, clothes you wear, how smart you are, and the list goes on.
So, why can’t we love ourselves in this manner?
As mothers, we have the innate ability to calm the roughest storm, heal with a kiss, wipe away tears, scare away monsters. Let’s face it, we are basically superheroes. How many times have you emerged from your bedroom ready for a night out, and your child told you that you look like a princess? Dozens, right? You know what – we are freaking princesses.
Why can’t we see what they see? Why can’t we be the mirrors that reflect that unrelenting, sometimes even suffocating love?
Yes, it’s a lot to live up to. Yes, it’s overwhelming at times. But, I think we just need to look at ourselves in the mirror and somehow see what they see – that princess, or that superhero; take your pick. Put on that crown or cape, and show up. Vote for yourself. We have to for our daughters, and we have to for ourselves.
