There is a lot of talk at the beginning of the year about new resolutions and new starts. The year is spread in front of you, and it is nice to put the shortcomings of the last year behind you.
I recently read a quote about not letting the fears of your childhood still be the fears you have today. I thought about who I was then and the person I am right now. I also thought some about how I often suppress my feelings. I say, “It is OK. No big deal. Do not worry,” or something similar.
I worry a lot of about other people’s feelings and not often enough about mine. I used to tell myself that I put people’s needs and desires before mine because it’s easier to disappoint myself than think about disappointing someone else. All this left me feeling short. I was not expressing my true feelings. And all this did not allow me to have open, honest relationships with people.
I like to do New Year’s resolutions, but I also like actually following them so that I feel like I have accomplished something or grown throughout the year. So I am trying something new this year. Whenever I am given the opportunity to express my true feelings about something, I will do it. I am being kind and not going crazy here. I am careful to use wording like, “I feel,” instead of, “You did…”
The first time I tried this tactic with a close family member, I kind of felt sick during the conversation and a little while afterwards. Then I felt better I followed through with the promise I made to myself.
And it keeps getting easier and easier each time. I’ve found that getting straight to the point and not belaboring every detail helps.
And to be honest, it is freeing. The more I do it, the more I think about how it feels so liberating to get those thoughts out.
People did not realize the things I told them beforehand. And I thought about how I could not hold them to things they were not aware of. If someone is letting you down but does not know, then it is a bit unfair to get upset for something that is not in his or her realm of consciousness at the moment.
Three weeks into the new year and I have done this with three significant people in my life – both verbally and through written letters. I have been happy with the results and proud of myself for expressing my feelings and not bottling things inside.
