I have had a love/hate relationship with public breastfeeding. I love being able to breastfeed my infant son, but I hate that nursing in public still has a stigma attached.
I have nursed all over Columbia in the past three months since having my second child … stores, parks, restaurants, you name a place and there’s a good chance I’ve whipped out a boob there. I am grateful that so far no one has questioned or harassed me, but I know that is not the case for many of my breastfeeding sisters.
If someone had approached me when I was feeding my firstborn, who I had a terribly tough time breastfeeding in the first place, I would have cried my eyes out. My relationship with breastfeeding was shaky at best and being a new mother I might have given up entirely. I luckily have a great support system of moms and dads who a very pro-public feeding. And I have mastered, I think, semi-discreet nursing. Maybe I get dirty looks but am too busy minding my own darn business to notice.
For those mamas who breastfeed in public and may be harassed, here are 10 witty comebacks to throw out … I hope you never have to use them…
1. I’m sorry you find nourishing my child so offensive that you felt the need to be rude to a complete stranger.
2. Did you miss the day in biology class explaining the true purpose of boobies?
3. Do you normally chow down in the bathroom? I don’t know about you, but I am not a fan of steak and urinal cake.
4. Are you hangry? He will be done in a minute if you want a snack.
5. You’re really this upset about me breastfeeding my child? Let me guess, mommy issues.
6. She doesn’t really like to be smothered by a blanket, but feel free to wrap it around your own head.
7. You just saw a little nip slip? You must be really offended at public pools.
8. My husband is a huge supporter, actually. He paid for these suckers and wants to make sure he gets his money worth.
9. I could go do this in the car, but I’m scoping out which one to steal first. What do you drive?
10. Scream at the top of your lungs – “Quit staring at my boobs, perv!” And then squirt him in the eye with breast milk.