Please Go to Sleep :: Parenting Through the Night

Over the holidays my sister-in-law asked if I had any tips for transitioning a toddler from a crib to a big-kid bed. After thinking for a few moments about how I could possibly regale her with lots of little nuggets of wisdom, I simply said, “No, I don’t have any tips.” That is because, after 11 years of parenting, nighttime in our house is still basically like whack a mole.

When I was pregnant with my first child I had some pretty lofty ambitions about how this mom thing would go down. Little old lady types would put their hands on my belly and cluck things like “Better rest now…” and “Enjoy that sleep while you can…”. I would internally roll my eyes and think that mothering had not met someone as organized as me and that my child would have a bed and a bedtime and stick to them both. Bahahaha.

Here are just a few of the reasons we are not sleeping up in here:

1. People Are Not Tired

Talk to us when it’s 6:35 in the morning and I am dragging children out of bed by their feet – they are sooo tired. Talk to us when it’s time to clean the playroom – they are sooo tired. Talk to us when it’s time to take down the Christmas decorations. So. Unbelievably. Tired. But at bedtime? The tiredness has magically disappeared and they are bouncing off the walls like clowns in a cola factory.

2. People Are Hungry or Thirsty

Perhaps it is because they did not eat enough protein at dinner. Perhaps it is because they will be growing another two inches tonight. Either way, there is a strong chance your people will be hungry right before it is time to get in bed. And as a mom, you will likely be able to gauge whether this alleged hunger is a stall tactic or actually the legitimate need for sustenance. Sometimes I sleep better with a few graham crackers and a glass of milk on my stomach, too. And sometimes I would like an extra glass of water after eating a quesadilla for dinner. Let me get that for you right away.

3. People Are in the Mood to Discuss Their Feelings

While one child turns into a ball of giggles at night at cannot settle down, the other would like to discuss and solve the problems of the universe. Or at least those involving her skin, her friends, and her schoolwork. And I’m inclined to listen. And I have never, ever, been known to fall asleep at her side while she is sharing…

4. People Are Scared

As a mom, you probably do not sleep very soundly anyway, which is why you can feel that unmistakable presence peering over you at 3 a.m. and breathing “Mommy, I’m scared,” into your ear. Perhaps you walk this little treasure back to her own room. Or, if you are like me, you half-consciously roll her into the bed with you, tattered stuffed animal, sweaty hair and all. For about 10 minutes you breathe her in, thinking she is the sweetest thing in the world. But then she turns perpendicular in the bed and you decide you would most definitely sleep better on the couch, so off you go…

5. People Are in Need of Medical Attention

There will be many nights your children will wake with one ailment or another. Many times this will involve you strategically positioning a trash can beside a bed and perhaps even washing a round or two of sheets before everyone is sleeping soundly again. There will be nights of sore throats and congestion that involve salt water gargling and head-propping. (Trying to explain gargling to a sick child is like trying to explain the Pythagorean theorem to a wild hyena.) There will be nights where you will sleep with your child’s hand positioned over an ice pack from a sports injury or monkey bar fiasco.

All in all, I would say one or more of these scenarios will occur approximately three to four times per week.

You know, those little old ladies were right. Regardless of whether you are hardcore about keeping your children in their own rooms or are inclined to pull them into the crowded boat that is your bed, mothering simply does not equal very many thorough or restful nights of sleep, even beyond those infant years of multiple feedings and diaper changes. But that is okay. I’m kind of used to wandering around my house in the middle of the night. QT, the interstate truck stop, Waffle House, Our House. We are open. Just come on over. We’ll leave the light on and save you a snack. And a big pot of coffee in the morning.