I have an awesome gift, perhaps it’s a talent, of motivating others. It’s partly why I am a therapist. I think it’s one of the reasons I am a good mother.
The season my family and I are in right now only enhances my wifely duties in that I am an even louder cheerleader for my husband. It can be a lot to support other people because I get thoroughly invested in their processes.
Those who are close to me can tell you when they have something large at stake, WE have something large to work through together. I may get a phone call asking for a resource, boom! You got it; even if I don’t know exactly, I will always try to point you in the right direction. My son may need to hear how awesome he is because he couldn’t get that one math problem right. Rest assured, Mommy was there to tell him all the things he is good at and this silly formula is not going to define him.
My current professional experience equips me with all kinds of tips to share for biopsychosocial strife that I’m happy to give. But there’s an issue: I rarely take my own advice.
I’m only about 70% ashamed. I’m only human after all. But as you know, my girl, Dr. Brene Brown, tells us shame can’t live in sharing! So, here I am. It’s time to say outloud that I’m darn near pouring from an empty cup … something I tell people to avoid all the time.
It changes today though.
I thought about what I need to maintain a “me first-ish” type mindset. This is not to say I am going to start being selfish, but I am going to consider how I can be my best in what I put forward. I want to ensure I’m giving thought to my mental stability throughout each interaction. So how can I start practicing what I preach? I reevaluate and execute a helpful strategy.
Assess
I had my blood pressure checked the other day. After being on medication for about three months, I just knew I would see an improvement when I asked for a quick look. Needless to say, as I am down to my last few days of Norvasc, I’ll likely be looking to refill them.
I’m thoroughly disappointed that at 32 years old, my HBP is still not at healthy levels. I drive home and listen to the same commercial daily: “140/90 … and I had a stroke. 132/85 … and I had a stroke.”
It’s scary to think about not being able to raise my children because I decided not to improve my own health! I think of how great of a father my husband is … but I also know they’ll be eating the same two meals if I’m gone! (Love you, babe!)
Set Goals
That brings me to my next point. I sat in church recently thinking about how I wanted to take a walk when I got home (I promise I got the gist of the sermon, but hey, my mind wanders!). I kept thinking how nice it was outside and that I could use a brisk walk to address my need for exercise.
Guess what? I did it!
Man, it was so great to get out and walk around my neighborhood for that half hour. I set a goal to make sure I do this at least three times weekly to start. If I start to like easing into physical activity, I may start running. Who knows? I tell people this all the time: take baby steps; avoid a gym memberships; physical activity releases natural endorphins. Meanwhile, I’m home buzzing around with homework, cooking, laundry, etc. instead of caring for myself.
Setting a realistic expectation will help me see results that I need. Those small steps will be great positive reinforcement for me. What goals are you setting to ensure the overall goal is a healthier you?
Clean House
I recently decided to take some things off my plate. I am happy with my decision; although I can’t help but wonder if I am letting others down. There I am … thinking of others before my own sleepless nights when I have a million lists I’m running down in my head.
I have so many different irons in the fire with my new business; my partners and I are excited about where YANA Counseling Services is going in 2019! In order to work toward working for myself one day, I need to be able to focus on what’s important. I can’t go to every party, buy everyone’s Paparazzi jewelry, or attend every nonprofit event while continuing to neglect myself. So, I’m clearing my calendar if it doesn’t benefit my business (which is actually meant to benefit others anyway) or my family.
I tell people all the time to say no, while overextending myself. I guess I have FOMO (fear of missing out). I think if I don’t go to this networking event, YANA will never get clients. Or, if I decline an invitation to a major event I may not get the information I need to be successful and I look like the standoffish entrepreneur/wife/mother who doesn’t want to build up others. That’s all irrational, of course. And it stops here.
I am reevaluating where I am. I see how certain things are lacking and it’s time to make a change. This will be exciting, thinking of my own physical and mental health. I say no to my kids all the time; most of the time it is for their well being. Why can’t I tell myself the same? I know they can’t watch tv all night and eat all the candy from Boo at the Zoo. Just like Mommy can’t go to every meeting and meet every commitment before going nuts. For the first time, I’m saying this and I mean it … it feels good.