Summertime Empty Nester :: How to Cope When Your Kids Are Away

As a divorced mother of two elementary-age children, my nest is empty in the summer. The first few weeks the kids are with their father and his family, it’s quiet. At first, I don’t enjoy my free time because I miss them and feel lost. But by the second or third week, I feel more adjusted and change my perspective. Even though I still miss them, I can see the silver linings and have learned to better cope with our time apart.

Schedule Routine Calls

We set up a routine of calling every other day, and it is a joy learning about their adventures – like when my little girl says she is throwing a birthday party for her doll, or when my little boy tells me he liked roasting marshmallows on the 4th of July.

Also, we have little refrains every conversation I look forward to hearing. Like when there is a lull in the conversation, and my daughter asks in a cheery tone, “So whatcha want to talk about, Mommy?” Or when my little boy sings in his best dramatic “Michigan J. Frog” voice the phrase I’ve sung to him since he was born, “He’s the littlest dude, of all the dudes!”

During our conversations on the phone, I observe things about them I haven’t noticed in our day-to-day life, like how my 7-year-old daughter is a considerate and polite conversationalist. 

After asking about her day she says, “But tell me about your day. What did you do today? Did you have a good day at work?” 

Focus on the Positives of Family Bonding

During their time with dad, the kids are exploring and creating lifelong memories with his side of the family. While mom and dad may not be together, this doesn’t take away from the importance of bonding and creating relationships with their relatives.

Recently my kids hiked through the woods on their dad’s farm in search of wild berries, leaving with a bucket full. This especially pleases my son because he prefers blackberries more than anything else. I am happy he’s enjoying his favorite fruit, and he is just as happy enjoying the experience. 

Grandma gives them sewing lessons. I receive a photo of my daughter posing with her favorite doll, wearing matching skirts, and my son posing with his dragon with matching bow-ties. I know they are having fun, which brings me buckets full of joy.

Spend Time Fostering Activities & Relationships Important to You

Once I adjusted to the quiet, I discovered things to do with my time. Before I was a mother and worked full-time, I used to read at least two books per week. In fact, I loved reading so much that I majored in English Literature in college. I found myself in a reading rut the past few years but found my way back with the extra time on my hands. I listen to audiobooks in the car during my commute and read e-books when I have a spare moment. 

My husband and I spend more time together sitting on the porch chatting. He encourages me to make my wellness a priority so I have been going to the gym after work and getting more sleep. This is difficult for me, but I try.

My best friend from college and her husband came to town recently, and I meet up with them downtown for coffee and pie. It was so refreshing to chat and reminisce about our days together. I loved hearing about their life in California. Talking with her reminded me how important it is to keep up connections beyond the screen.

In addition to catching up with an old friend this summer, I reclaimed a friendship with someone I hadn’t spent much time with in a while…myself. It’s easy to become worn down as a working adult, especially as a parent. This separation allows time to do some of the things that used to give me a sparkle. My silver lining is taking better care of myself. 

If you are also a summer empty-nester (or any other time for that matter), what is your silver lining? How do you get through the separation?