By now, we all probably know that breastfeeding has amazing benefits for baby, such as providing antibodies that help fight off various bacteria, viruses, germs, and diseases, and lowering the risk of infections and respiratory issues. I did not breastfeed my oldest child, mainly because I did not educate myself on the topic before giving birth, but for mental and physical health reasons, it was very important that I breastfed my next baby.
When I usually prepare for some major event in my life, I always begin by setting mental goals. My first mental goal was to make it through the first six months. As I was approaching the first six months, my next mental goal was to complete the final six months. Traditionally, at 12 months, your baby is introduced to sippy cups and table food. So I thought that breastfeeding would just stop automatically.
Insert laugh here. I promise not to get offended.
In my mind, because he was eating table food, breastmilk would no longer be desirable. Boy was I wrong. During and after every snack, he would run to get his “beverage” straight from the source – mommy. I wasn’t a big fan of seeing my breasts covered in mashed potatoes, meatloaf, crackers, and french fries. So when he would eat, I started hiding out of his sight.
Then my breast became a pacifier. Anytime he needed comforting after a tantrum or motivation to take a nap or while watching his favorite cartoon, my breast became his object of choice.
As he approached his 2nd birthday, he was now a full-fledged toddler. Weighing in close to 30 pounds with the strength of a baby lion cub, he was going into an all-out violent rage if he could not get his breast! This made it difficult to go to doctor appointments, grocery shopping, and other public outings.
And one day, I simply had enough.
The decision to stop is not always easy and ultimately should be made when breastfeeding is no longer mutually enjoyable. And sometimes this is on mom’s end. It doesn’t make mom selfish even though it can feel that way.
Once I made the decision to end our breastfeeding relationship, I stopped spending all my time researching how to stop nursing. I stopped listening to moms who said it was OK to continue breastfeeding your children until they were 4 and 5 years old because it wasn’t right for me. I buttoned up my shirt and closed up shop.
For three days, we stayed home, away from the public. Away from judgment.
The first night, he cried himself to sleep. It was awful not to comfort him with my breast but I knew I was making the right decision.
The second night, after a hard meltdown, he decided not to sleep with me. I guess he was upset I was not giving in to his demands. Instead, he climbed into bed with his older brother.
The third night, he tried to test the waters. He climbed up in my lap and jokingly jiggled my breast to see if I would give in. We both laughed at this gesture and when I didn’t offer it to him, he walked away.
I thought he understood it was over, until the seventh night. He climbed into my bed and routinely lifted my shirt as if the last six days never happened. He must have sensed that I had an exhausting workday and thought my guard would be down. However, by this time, there was little to nothing available for him to swallow. My baby had looked at me angrily, pulled my shirt back down, and exited my room.
And that was it.
While I made the decision to quit cold turkey, some moms end their breastfeeding relationships more gradually by setting boundaries. Perhaps those boundaries are your child can only nurse in the morning and before bedtime. Explaining the expectations to your child can help them understand the new rules, and how the new routine will work. Ultimately you have to make the decision on what will work best for you and your child, and that may include trying different tactics.
I’m thankful I had the opportunity to breastfeed this time around, and If there is anything I would have done differently through it all, I would have lived in the moment more and taken lots of pictures and videos. From the first night of the first meltdown to the last facial expression when he realized I had no more breastmilk available, it was all noteworthy.
I am not sure if I am going to have more children, so this may have been my last experience breastfeeding. Sometimes, the thought makes me sad, but I’m also excited to move to the next stage of motherhood, independence, and growth my baby boy is going to experience.
