The Effects of an “Empty Chair”

What is the one thing you want from those who say that they love you?

My answer to that question would have to be SUPPORT!

My daughter is on a High Competing Step Team which consists of many practices and competition filled weekends. As a mom, one of my biggest sticklers is making sure my child is never fighting or yearning for my attention. I make sure that she knows I’ll always support her in her journey. So I do my best to be there for each and every competition, and show her how much I support her. 

Growing up in the foster care world, I was quite acquainted with the empty chair. There was no mother there clutching wads of tissue as tears rolled down cheeks in delight of watching me on the stage. There was no secured presence of a father, eyes sparkling with pride as he gazed.

This had a lasting effect on the things I chose to be apart of. It shaped a continuous question in my head of am I enough. And, if I was, why didn’t anyone else value me enough to show up?

As you grow older and begin forming bonds, it’s essential that the bond created is one that’s understood by both parties. Whether its work relationships, friendship, marriage, or simply with family! Supporting means never leaving an empty chair.

Don’t just subject the term “empty chair” to a physical presence. Show up in more ways than one! 

Here are three things you can do to make sure you are showing support to those you love:

1. Don’t be afraid to voice upfront what you desire out of the connection

Setting clear and concise boundaries can help the accountability of any relationship. Let them know how they can help you feel supported. Sometimes people shy away from doing because they are unsure of the other person’s needs. My perception of what you need may not match your actual needs. 

2. Show up in more ways than one

Send those flowers, send that creatively written letter in the mail, hit order on your favorite online store and have something nice shipped to them. You never know what those things can add for your loved one. My husband can’t always be at our daughter’s competition due to work schedule, but he makes sure to video call her right before her performance. Even his pep talks are something she can carry with her. It’s all about making that special person in your life feel loved and thought of.

3. Be PRESENT!!

Whatever someone is facing in life, be present! It’s the worst feeling to be surrounded by love, yet overwhelmed with loneliness! Yes, this does have a lot to do with the other person internally, however, they will appreciate someone being consistent. A person can feel when support is not genuine and it’s no help emotionally.

“Don’t treat the not leaving an “Empty Chair” as an obligation!”

– Litaspeaks

How do you support those who you love?