The Struggles of the Working Mom vs. the Stay-at-Home Mom

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Since becoming a mother, I have gone from working full-time, to working from home, to staying at home. And I can definitively say, it’s all hard.

I never anticipated being a stay-at-home mom. I worked diligently for my bachelor’s and graduate degrees, with full anticipation of advancing my career well into motherhood. However, my job outside the home was another caregiving role in the healthcare field. The exhaustion of non-stop caregiving caught up to me quickly, but I continued to push through seeing my mental suffering as just part of the deal.

Additionally, I was the parent to bear the burden of calling out of work when my child got sick. As I burned through my vacation days to care for my sick child, while holding the guilt of abandoning my work duties, my stress continued to rise.

Fortunately, I was able to take a more flexible role which allowed me to transition to working from home. The hours for this role were variable and fluctuating, meaning I could no longer justify paying for childcare. Although I had the flexibility and comfort of staying home with my child, I had constant stress of managing work while mothering simultaneously. Trying to stay focused and engaged with the zoom clients on my screen was difficult when the adjacent screen would show my son waking up early from his nap. The constant distractions made me feel like I couldn’t give anything my best effort. This began draining me too.

After much deliberation I decided to discontinue working in order to be a more present and less stressed mother. I haven’t lost sight of the privileged position I am in to be able to stay home and to solely focus on being a mother. I am grateful.

I no longer panic about canceling meetings or appointments when my son gets sick. I can focus in on his needs with more presence and patience. I get to witness all of his developmental milestones. I am lucky. I know this. 

And yet I also feel lonely, lost, and longing for an identity outside of motherhood. When I was working, I enjoyed using my brain and skills in a different way. Although it was still work, it was a break from the monotony – the monotony of motherhood.

Staying home full-time did not provide more free time either. I began taking on more of the domestic tasks that are easier for me to do because I am the one at home. I constantly remind myself that this season doesn’t last forever, and I try to push the negative feelings aside to soak in the joy of this special and fleeting time with my growing family.

All of this to say, I think it is all hard. It does us no good to compare our struggles since they are all different and all taxing. So, to the mama rushing home to their kids after a day of work, I see you. To the mama who has been tugged and hugged while balancing all the home tasks, I see you too. To all the mamas out there, although it may not always feel like it, you are doing a great job.

Which stage of life are you in right now? Do you work full time or stay home? Share your story with us in the comments.

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Brittany Myczkowski
Brittany is a mom, wife, and outgoing introvert who recently moved to the Columbia area in 2022! She has lived in many different cities from the East Coast to the Midwest and is happy to now call Columbia home. Building a sense of community is one of the reasons she and her family decided to come to Columbia and why she is very excited to be a part of the Columbia Mom team. Physical and mental health is also very important to her. As a physical therapist, she has witnessed the powerful connection of the mind and body and how both need to be given the proper TLC. In her spare time, she enjoys perfecting the fine art of sleep procrastination, listening to podcasts or books on tape, doing anything active, and adding unnecessary items to her Amazon cart. Photo by: Zach and Sarah Photography

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