I recently attended a Safe Zone Ally training at work. This is a network that offers support to college students who are LGBTQ+. If they are having problems, concerns or just need someone to talk to, they can access a list of adults on their campus who can help them.
One of the first things we did at the training was break into groups and think about milestones that occur during various phases of life – newborn/baby/toddler (0 – 5); school years (6 – 17); and young adult/adult (18 – 118).
After we listed those milestones, we talked about how difficult each one is, especially those “coming of age” milestones you hit in middle school and high school (and sometimes even earlier in upper elementary school) – things like having your first crush, date, kiss, job, etc. were discussed.
After compiling that list, we were asked to think about navigating those things as a gay or gender fluid person and that really made me start to think. Here I am at a training to help college students, but I have spent so much of my educational career with little ones and outside of books to suggest in the library, I have never really thought about resources to help them (nor have I been given such an opportunity to learn about resources).
One thing that really struck me about this training is gay and gender fluid people have to navigate issues their ENTIRE lives. Realizing that you are not someone who is attracted to the opposite sex or who even identifies with the gender that everyone assumes you are happens as an infant.
After leaving that workshop, I kept thinking about how it would be something wonderful for K-12 educators and parents to hear. The resources and suggestions of ways to be a trusting, helpful adult were fantastic.
I am going to share just a few here and some I have gathered on my own. My hope is that you will have an open mind and open heart when your child or one of your child’s friends comes out as gay or tells you they are gender fluid. Navigating life is hard enough for everyone but adding an extra layer of uncertainly is a big burden for anyone to bear, especially our children and young adults.
Ways to Support
One simple way to start supporting all children is to affirm their gender. Many people are beginning to share preferred pronouns. We cannot assume that everyone wants to be called by the pronoun we “see.” The most commonly used/known pronouns are he/him and she/her. You may also hear or see ze/hir or they/them. So, if you are not sure – you can always ask or use someone neutral like they/them.
Know and be understanding of the fact that issues will arise at all age levels. Your LGBTQ+ child will be concerned with all of the same issues as a straight, cisgender child but also with coming out to family and friends, what to indicate on forms and applications that ask for gender and pronouns, what bathroom is safe and OK to use, and so much more.
As parents of very young children, you can simply have an open mind and heart. When your little girl (who you very much want to wear sparkles and pink) wants to play with trucks and wear camo, let her! When your little boy (who you like to dress up as a football player or some other typical “man” thing) wants to wear a soft dress, let him!
Have no judgements when it comes to your child and they will, in turn, have no judgements when it comes to others. Read books that show families that are different than your own. Start teaching empathy and an open heart young, so that hopefully, some of the struggles our LGBTQ+ community have will decrease. This goes for other things, as well – race, religion, etc. We can all be who we are and be understanding that not everyone believes the same thing or looks the same way and it’s OK.
Websites to Explore
Free Mom Hugs
Free Mom Hugs is a group of affirming parents who love their LGBTQ+ kids unconditionally and take those hugs of love and acceptance to others. For some, those hugs can be the difference in life or death.
GLAAD
As a dynamic media force, GLAAD tackles tough issues to shape the narrative and provoke dialogue that leads to cultural change.
PFLAG
Founded in 1973 after the simple act of a mother publicly supporting her gay son, PFLAG is the nation’s largest family and ally organization.
Books to Read and Share
All of these should be available at your local public library!
Picture Books
- Prince & Knight by Daniel Haack; illustrated by Stevie Lewis
- Julian is a Mermaid by Jessica Love
Upper Elementary School/Middle School
- George by Alex Gino
- Lily and Duncan by Donna Gephart
Young Adult/Adult
- This Book is Gay by Juno Dawson
- The 57 Bus: A True Story of Two Teenagers and the Crime That Changed Their Lives by Dashka Slater
For more titles, visit Rainbow Book List.
