When asked in late December what my word for the new year would be I chose present. I chose this word because of my constant need to be on my phone or doing something. I would always find a way to ensure my boys were busy just so I could get things done. I needed to keep up with this idea of a perfectly clean house, a successful career, a fit body…at the expense of my boys. Something had to give, so I made this the year of change.
At almost one quarter of the way through the year, already I have failed miserably. I still find myself on my phone for business all of the time. I am still constantly having outbursts because of the crumbs on the floor. I am choosing to spend two hours of the day working out because, well, I am important too. Why can’t I be present? Why is this so hard?
Welcome to the Modern Era of Motherhood
Mothers today are held to a high standard. I don’t belong to a marriage where I am expected to keep a clean house and have dinner on the table. The undue pressure is self-inflicted.
When scrolling through Facebook and Instagram I see perfection. No matter how many mom articles you read about how fake everything is, I find myself still believing this is their life. Scroll through Pinterest and look at the white kitchens and Joanna Gaines. I seriously believe this is real life, but it isn’t.
I am a stay-at-home mom who is not meant to stay at home. I need to make money and have my own stuff. I am not happy with just taking care of my kiddos. Money is needed to support my Target habit. I am always on my phone, making sure my at home oil business is running successfully. Always able to answer my customers questions within a second, but forgetting my most important person is sitting nearby enthralled in the television.
We are all so driven as women today. There is nothing wrong with that. Inherently women have always been driven. We have always HAD to be driven. But at what point does it need to stop? At what point can we just say “I need to focus on my family first?”
How to Make it Stop
I spend so much of my time focused on other things, I had to do my own intervention. If I really want to succeed at being present, here’s my plan to make it happen:
- We planned a trip somewhere I won’t have cell phone service. I want my boys to be well-traveled. We have delegated a chunk of our tax return to a really cool trip across the country.
- I let my customers know I am only available 9-5, Monday-Friday. You’d be surprised how well they responded.
- Scheduled uninterrupted time with my boys. If Thursday’s weather is nice, we are going to the park for an hour. I have my boys involved with swim lessons twice a week. I keep my phone off and cheer them on. Our week is written out on our chalk board.
- Schedule dates with each child. I love lunch dates, my sons also love them. The one-on-one time is priceless.
- Once a month my family and I go to a place we have never been. There is NEVER a point in your life you are too busy. Find the time. They are that important.
- Change up your social media presence. Only go on after the kiddos are in bed. I promise you the world will continue spinning.
- Miss that phone call or text message. Your little family is most important. That phone call can usually wait. They see you always on your phone. Show them they are important.
- Save the massive spring clean for when the kiddos are not around, or make it a family affair. Try to get it done after they are in bed. If that’s not a option, any age is a good age to teach the importance of chores!
Here’s to New Beginnings
Every day is a new beginning. I may have been awful with my goals so far, but it’s never too late to reboot. I am going to be more present. My kids are only around for 18 years (if I am lucky). It’s my responsibility has a mother to mold them into wonderful individuals. I can’t do that from Facebook.
