What I’ve Learned From My Son With Autism

0

The word “autism” entered into my most used vocabulary approximately four years ago when my youngest child’s pediatrician became concerned about some noticeable delays. He ordered a preliminary test called the Modified Checklist for Autism in Toddlers (M-CHAT) to verify his concerns. 

His concerns were corroborated when our little guy failed the test. Although this was not the official test for autism, because he was still too young for that test, it was enough to turn our world upside down and bounce it around for the next year and a half. 

The test results were enough to get our little guy entered into an early intervention (EI) program. For the next year and a half, before we would get the final diagnosis, we were caught in what felt like a tornado that wouldn’t stop spinning. 

It was a non-stop whirlwind of information, paperwork, appointments, therapy, and painful uncertainty. We didn’t know if our son had autism, we didn’t know if we were teaching him the way he needed to be taught, and we didn’t know if he would ever be able to speak. The anxiety of all the waiting to see was overwhelming.

But in the midst of it all, our little boy introduced us to a world that we never knew existed. He became our teacher just as much as we became his… 

He taught us that everything is not always as it appears. 

For the first three years of his life, our son didn’t speak. He struggled to communicate his wants, needs, feelings, and even pain. Children with autism often have what’s referred to as “meltdowns.” 

He would get distraught and sometimes hide in a corner, sit on the floor, and cry while rocking himself back and forth. This could go on for hours, regardless of what we tried to do to soothe him. 

For our son, it typically occurred when he would get upset with us not being able to provide what he wanted so badly to communicate to us at the time. Sometimes, it could start just by having someone at the grocery store look at him or speak to him. Other times, it could occur for sensory issues, social anxiety issues, and reasons we could never figure out. 

Through all of this, he taught us that what others may perceive as a tantrum is often just a child who can’t communicate what’s going on inside, a child struggling to see and hear the world around them as you do. 

A child with autism often sees the world from a very different point of view than those without autism see it. To be blessed to be the mother of a child who can see what I can’t see has been one of the greatest joys of my life.

Patience is a discipline. 

I’ve been a mother for twenty-two years now. When my youngest, and last, was born, my oldest was seventeen years old. I have always considered myself to be a reasonably patient mom. 

Listening before reacting with my children has been a significant part of my parenting style. I don’t believe in jumping to conclusions. However, my son has taught me that thinking before acting is not the same as patience. 

Having patience with a child who has autism takes discipline. It’s not a type of patience that most of us are just born with. It takes practice, and it takes a strong bond with your spouse, if you are married, to keep reminding each other to just breathe. It takes the support of someone who loves you, even if that someone is a friend. 

For us, it started with having to wait for over a year to perform the autism test after being told our son was at risk. We had no choice but to wait, of course; however, being able to handle the emotional stress required that we learn how to be patient. 

Patience with autism involves holding yourself together as you go through each day secretly wishing your baby would say “mama” just one time. 

Patience with autism involves keeping your calm while your child has a meltdown for hours, and all you want to do is understand why they are crying and hold them until they feel better, but they won’t let you touch them. 

Patience is allowing yourself time alone to cry when nothing seems to be going right, therapy that day was horrible, or you can’t help but notice how much more advanced that other child on the playground is than yours. 

Patience is being able to hold your head up high and smile when your child starts screaming and crying because the cashier spoke to him while hearing comments from others around you about how they would tear their child’s behind up if that was their child.

Thanks to our sweet boy, who has unique needs from our other children, we have learned the meaning of true patience. 

Brookes little boy picking flowers

There’s no excuse for deliberate ignorance. 

Before the moment our pediatrician informed us he was concerned our son was at risk for autism, my husband and I both had only heard of the word autism. Other than that, we knew nothing about what it meant. 

At that time, we were both over thirty-five years of age, and I am truly ashamed to admit just how little we knew. In fact, as soon as we got home that day, we hit google and started researching to understand what our son could be facing. 

However, we know that not everyone will know about every possible mental health issue that children can be diagnosed with. 

When it comes to deliberate ignorance and children with autism, the bias from those who have heard of the disability and the hateful comments from people who do not know that a child has autism are unacceptable. 

Deliberate ignorance is thinking that all children with autism are incapable of living like any other adult when they grow up. 

Deliberate ignorance is seeing a child in public who is crying and screaming or appears too old to be flapping their arms and making noise in delight and immediately judging them harshly.

Deliberate ignorance is seeing that child and saying to yourself, or someone else, that their parents should “tear their butt up.”

Through our experiences with our son, he has helped show us that deliberate ignorance is seeing someone different than you, and instead of educating yourself on why that might be, you choose to label them in some cruel way. 

Our son has taught us more about how to be good human beings in his five years of life than we were taught in our entire lifetime before him. I hope by writing this, I am able to help spread his teachings to others. 

Do you have a child with autism? What encouragement would you share?

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here