Third time was not the charm when it comes to my breastfeeding journey.
I have three children. The first two breastfed with with very little issues. I wasn’t really worried about breastfeeding when I was pregnant with my third. I knew there would be the initial discomfort that always comes with teaching a newborn how to nurse. But once we settled into it and got through those first couple of weeks, I figured it would be smooth sailing.
Boy, was I wrong.
Shortly after my third child was born, I had excruciating pain when he latched and as he continued to eat. I remember looking down, three or four days post birth, and panicking when I saw blood in his mouth. I immediately started pumping and feeding him what I pumped, and made an appointment with a lactation consultant.
At seven days old, the lactation consultant diagnosed my son with a tongue tie. Phew. I was relieved to know there was a root cause for our feeding troubles and a relatively easy solution. It took several more days before we got in to see an ENT and get the tongue tie fixed.
What followed was several weeks of easy breastfeeding. My son latched well, I healed and we were a team every two to three hours. “There,” I thought. “We have found our rhythm.”
And we did. For two months.
Then the pain began. Every time my son latched on one particular side, I felt like I was being stabbed. My toes would curl. I would yelp in pain. I dreaded mealtimes because of that pain. But it wouldn’t subside.
I ruled out a clogged duct and mastitis. I googled for answers. I called a friend, who happens to be a lactation consultant, and she recommended I visit the South Carolina Lactation and Newborn Wellness Center. I promptly made an appointment.
A lactation consultant examined me and my son. A pediatrician also examined my son. The diagnosis? Nerve trauma.
Our best theory is that when my son had a cold weeks earlier, he struggled to breathe through his nose while eating and clamped down hard, causing the damage. His latch looked great. He was doing everything he should be doing. But the pain was unbearable. And I was told it would take up to a year to heal, but that healing would not begin until I stopped breastfeeding.
I was left with two options: suffer through or exclusively bottle feed.
It wasn’t an easy decision to make. I didn’t make it lightly. I continued to breathe through the pain and feed my son, while debating the pros and cons of switching to formula.
The biggest hangup for me was that I felt like I was failing my son. Failing him by not nursing him as long as I nursed his older siblings.
Eventually, I decided to make the switch. I slowly transitioned from breast milk to formula. I cried a lot. I felt the mom guilt hard.
But you know what? He and I both survived. In fact, he’s a thriving two-year-old now who doesn’t even know what struggles we faced when he was so little.
I learned some valuable lessons when I gave up breastfeeding. I learned that fed is best. Even if the nutrition comes from a powder mixed with water. I learned that my son still needed me. (This was a hard one. I felt like if he didn’t need breast milk, he no longer needed me. It’s silly to say it out loud. But it’s how I felt at the time!) And I learned firsthand that prioritizing my health and well-being made me a better mom.
It’s okay to alter your expectations, even if you’ve successfully breastfed one kid and not the other. You’ll be okay. And so will your baby.
