I come from a LARGE Italian family. We lived a couple of hours away from my dads family, but my moms family lived in the same city we did. Pretty much ALL of my moms immediate and extended family lived in the same area. We were able to see each other all the time. In fact, all of my aunts and uncles and cousins would gather together every Sunday at my grandparents’ house for dinner. We would also see my mom’s aunts, uncles, and cousins quite frequently as well.
The holidays have always been an important time in my family. We all gather together at one family’s house, eat our way through the day(s), play games, share stories, open gifts (on Christmas), and really just enjoy spending time with each other. Now that my cousins and I are older, and a few of us have moved out of state, the holidays are more important than ever. Sometimes it’s the only time of year we see each other.
My husband and I used to travel to New York to see our families for Thanksgiving every year. But, as we’ve grown our family, moved to two different states, and have had different jobs and financial situations, we are no longer able to travel for Thanksgiving. So now we usually spend Thanksgiving having a (relatively) quiet dinner at home, just us and our boys. We’ve had one or two years where we had a “Friendsgiving” with local friends, but otherwise it’s been just us.
And, that’s not been easy for me…
To me, Thanksgiving is a time to get together with extended family. It’s always been that way. Since we live so far away from our families, any time I get with them is precious. And even though we’ve been doing it for quite a few years now, it still feels strange to not be spending Thanksgiving with my extended family.
Just the other day a friend of mine asked me what we are doing for Thanksgiving this year. I just smiled and replied, “Nothing. It’ll just be us. As usual.”
I tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal, but in all honesty, I actually hate when people ask me that question because it makes me feel sad. It reminds me that I don’t get to see my family. I won’t be able to see my mom and my sister, and give them hugs. I won’t be able to see my aunts and uncles and cousins. My boys won’t be able to laugh and play with my cousins’ children. We won’t be gathered around the kitchen island at my aunt’s house sharing stories, and having a laugh, or watching football in the living room.
Instead, it’ll be just like any other day at my house. I’ll make dinner, and my husband and boys and I will sit down together at the table to eat. One of the boys will inevitably complain about one of the foods and how they don’t want to eat it. We’ll talk about our day and what we’re going to do the next day.
After that, my husband and I will clean up, I’ll do the dishes, and the boys will watch some TV before bed time. And we’ll go about our lives as if it was any other day. And, yes, we will probably FaceTime with my family, and call my husband’s mother as well.
But, it’s just not the same as being there in person.
While I love being with my husband and sons, there will always be a part of me that is still sad on Thanksgiving.
It’s the part of me that will always miss getting big bear hugs from my cousin Matt. The part that will miss helping my mom and aunts cook dinner, and make dessert. I’ll always miss spending practically the entire day and night at my aunt’s house, and then going over again the next day. There won’t be any conversations with my aunts and cousins about how crazy they are for getting up at 4 a.m. to go shopping on Black Friday. I won’t be able to watch the men gather around the dining room table to play poker and drink beer, as they always do.
But most of all, there will always be a part of me, a LARGE part of me, that will always miss the warmth and comfort I feel from just being with my extended family. It’s a feeling like none other, and it doesn’t come from anywhere else. (Not even Hallmark movies)
Maybe one day we’ll be able to travel to New York for a big family Thanksgiving again. But, until then, I’ll enjoy the day with my loving husband and crazy boys, and will hold my extended family in my heart.
