One morning, a few years back, I was driving my kids to school. My fourteen-year-old turned the car radio on high volume and my sixteen-year-old told him to turn it off as she was trying to focus on some last-minute studying for an exam.
I turned the radio off and told my son, “Can you just enjoy the peace? Do you have to listen to music? Just be quiet and meditate. It will calm you and center you and it will be a great start to your day.”
There is a lot of traffic in the morning and we were running a little late and I was stressed about getting them to school on time. To my annoyance, I saw a car blocked the left lane as it was trying to merge into the right lane and I was behind the car and I needed to make a left turn while the light was still green.
By the time the car moved into the right lane and I was able to move forward in the left lane, the light had turned to red. I was annoyed at the cars in the right lane who whizzed by without letting him merge even though he was holding up the traffic in the left lane. I was also annoyed I missed the green light.
In hindsight, it wasn’t really much to get worked up about. But lately, as I am getting older, I seem to get upset rather quickly when people don’t follow traffic rules. So until the light turned green again, I kept cribbing about how people can be so foolish on the road and after listening to my outburst for a while, Arjun intercepted me gently and said playfully with an amused expression, “Umm, Mom, maybe you can start your day with some calm and meditation, don’t you think?”
I just burst out laughing and my displeasure was dissipated by his quirky comic relief. His comment made me realize I need to have more patience and I should not let little things like that bother me. Since then, I have made a conscious decision to be in a place of zen and not let mistakes of others ruffle my peace.
In my journey of parenting, I have found I have learned more than I have taught.
Angela Schwindt (Home-schooling mom from Oregon, USA) has rightly said,
“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.”
I am quite technologically challenged and my kids have helped me overcome that. Kids nowadays can figure everything out. They do not need manuals or instructions. My youngest son Armaan knows all the features of my iPhone much better than I do. A few years back, he taught me how to flip the camera to take selfies and my world has never been the same (I am quite the selfie addict, much to my husband’s chagrin).
My son also told me to turn the Bluetooth off when my phone would beep unnecessarily for reasons unknown to me. I hardly ever use Siri but Armaan taught me that she could tell the weather forecast, set my alarm, and answer my questions.
Armaan is the kindest, nicest, sweetest human being I know. He never judges me if he comes home from school and the house is a mess and all I want to do is take a nap. He always considers me the best mom in the world. He teaches me what unconditional love and support mean.
I remember, once, on a trip to a store, I went around in circles until I found a parking space a little ways off. While walking towards the store, I saw there were two parking spots really close which I missed. I said to Armaan, “Oh No! How did I miss these spots?” Armaan said, “Mom, think about it like this, since you left those spots, it will come in handy for someone else. So you did a good deed for someone else! ” His words instantly made me feel better. I do like to help people.
My daughter Mansi is interested in psychology and she keeps imparting me with little nuggets of wisdom in her usual matter of fact way. The other day, we decided to go for dinner after an evening walk at the lake. When everyone decided on a somewhat fancy restaurant, I suggested we could go to a casual place as we were not formally dressed. I had no makeup on and my hair was a wiry, frizzy mess.
Mansi told me it doesn’t matter, we were fine as we were. She then said, “Mom, I think you suffer from the spotlight effect.” I asked her what she meant. She went on to tell me that suffering from the spotlight effect means that you think everybody is noticing you but in reality very few people are. In short, I am not a celebrity!
She also said when people are so focused on themselves and are acutely aware of their appearance, they think everybody else is equally focused on them but they are not. Her observation stumped me and really made me think. I admire her for not seeking attention. She does not feel the need to take selfies, and she is not posting much on Facebook or Instagram.
My children introduce me to their choices in books, in food, in movies, in hobbies like cooking and painting, and in music. It is a joy and a blessing to see their beautiful petals unfold and to see them blooming beautifully and growing into their own personalities.
