Words, Intentions, and Love Letters

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How would you feel if you opened the mailbox and found an envelope with your name and address in handwriting you easily recognize? When you open it and pull out the folded pieces of lined paper, the first line reads…

To my beautiful wife…

Oh my word, you just received a love letter from your spouse!

I remember when I was in college and my boyfriend, now my husband, would write me a letter every week. Sometimes twice a week if we were really missing each other. I went to the University of North Carolina at Charlotte and he went to South Carolina State University. We started dating our senior year and refused to let the distance be the reason we broke up.

How did we make it work? Well, I should note this was back in 1993. No cell phones. No laptops. No social media. We had phone cards that were so expensive we couldn’t afford to use them regularly and pen, paper, envelopes, and stamps. So, we kept our love growing and our passions burning with good old fashion love letters.

Some of those letters were just enough to let each of us know how much we missed one another. Others were so hot, they could be featured in the romance novels I write.

But all of our letters were written using words that spilled straight from our souls full of intentions to stay together and grow and build on our love for each other.

Between the ages of 18 and 20, we wrote enough love letters to fill three two-inch binders for both him and me. We still have all six of those binders. They still hold all of our words, intentions, and love written between August 1993 and May 1995 (after our second year of being apart, we both came home to finish college together).

About fifteen years ago, my husband wrote me a love letter for Christmas. I can’t even tell you how much that letter meant to me. It’s the only thing he placed under the tree for me, and in all the years and gifts since it’s still one of my favorite gifts he’s given me.

It must have taken him a long time to write it because it was at least ten pages long. He copied one of my favorite Lord Byron poems and then proceeded to tell me all the ways he loved and worshiped me. 

My husband, like most men, isn’t really forthcoming with his emotions. So, letter writing is the perfect way for him to fully express how he feels for and about me. That letter is stored up there with the rest of the letters he’s written to me over our 27-year relationship.

As Valentines Day is approaching, I realized I’d rather have a love letter than chocolate, flowers, and/or dinner.

I want to read into my husband’s soul and let him read into mine. Words carry a level of intimacy most marriages don’t realize is missing until they experience it in some way.

Intimacy requires a willingness to be vulnerable. Most people believe intimacy is about letting other people get close enough to see them, but really it’s about seeing into yourself and then willingly sharing all of what you find with others.

Have you ever wondered what your spouse sees in themself? What they may be afraid to let you see in them? Every woman I talk with says some version of the following statement,

“I just want my spouse to open up to me, to let me know what they’re feeling. It’s like pulling teeth to get them to talk about their feelings. Sometimes I feel like I don’t really know them at all.”

I told my husband I was going to write about our love letters for my February contribution to Columbia Mom and he just smiled in a way that let me know he was thinking about some of our more heated letters. We both laughed about the possibility of me posting some snippets from them. He knew I wouldn’t, but he did suggest I offer a couples love letter writing workshop just in time for Valentine’s Day.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject. If you would be interested in attending a couples love letter writing workshop with your spouse, let me know in the comments below and I’ll make it happen. I’ll even offer a 10% discount code for anyone who registers because of this article.

Remember life is a journey and just because you wander doesn’t mean you’re lost.

Stay Enchanted.

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Vickey Finkley-Brown
Vickey Finkley-Brown was born and raised in the Lower Richland area of Columbia, SC. She attended Lower Richland High school, where she met and fell in love with her high school sweetheart in 1992. They’ve been married for 20 years and have three beautiful daughters; Kay (18), Sonne (15), and Sadie (13), one quirky dog (Sammy 11), and ten… yes, count them—ten guinea pigs! Vickey graduated from The University of South Carolina with a BA in English and went on to earn a M.Ed. in Curriculum Design and Instruction from Lesley University, which enhanced her 13-year high school teaching career. After developing systemic lupus erythematosus and narcolepsy w/cataplexy, she and her husband decided it was time for her to come home and learn how to live as healthy as possible with the new reality their family was now facing. It turned out to be a blessing, because a few years later, her youngest daughter developed two of the rarest neurological sleeping disorders in the world (Klein Levins Syndrome- a.k.a. Sleeping Beauty Disease and Sighted Non-24). Not only is Vickey able to be at home with her daughter while she attends South Carolina Virtual Charter School and when she goes into KLS episodes, she is also free to pursue her passion as a romance writer, podcaster, and blogger under the pen name; Ella Shawn. Her enchanted platform is an extension of her philosophy of living, loving, and evolving. She writes to gain understanding of the hard choices women often have to make. She endeavors to create enchanted spaces in which to disrobe and see the whole of who she is, and who she isn’t. Vickey shares her journey of self-discovery through writing romance novels, on her podcast, and in her blog. She loves connecting with women who enjoy seeing glimpses of their truth wrapped in sexy happily-ever-after’s. Vickey uses her platform to encourage women to reconnect with their true and essential selves. To cultivate and nurture spaces where they cease being simply women of flesh and bone and become Enchanted Beasts. When she’s not being Ella Shawn, or learning coach, or caregiver, or being taken care of… You may find her painting, crocheting, meditating, or sweating it out in a hot yoga class. But she’s a wild and free spirit who would be just as happy living in a converted van and tooling around the country—sleeping where she runs out of gas. Landing wherever she lands and meeting whoever she meets. However; she’s pretty sure her husband and children wouldn’t be willing to pack up and hit the road with her and, anyway—where would all the piggies go? So, she indulges her nomadic, bohemian spirit with planned travel, mother-cation weekends, and her ever-growing imagination.

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