Yes, Mama, Your Worries are Valid

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Yes, Mama, Your Worries are Valid | Columbia SC Moms BlogAs mamas of the world, I think we can all agree that every day we worry about our kids. There are seasons of specific types of worrying. For instance, at the newborn stage it’s more about learning your baby and all their needs. Then you’re on to the toddler phase, followed by the preschool stage, and then currently for myself it’s about choosing the right elementary school. You’ll soon have things like school supplies, bullying and puberty to learn through. And quite honestly, I cannot even begin to imagine what the teen years will bring. Luckily I still have time before most of the stages go flying by. 

Although everyone’s experiences will differ, the weight of the worry is the same. And all of that worry is valid. Well, maybe not ALL … there are a few things I think we can all come up with that may be a little ridiculous. But, to that particular mama, it’s very real. And everyone deserves to feel valid and respected. 

Recently we have gone through a little bit of a lifestyle change with my 3-year-old daughter’s scoliosis diagnosis. You might be thinking “well that is pretty common among kids, teens, and adults.” Yes, it is. But to have it randomly checked during a well visit and it turn into a legitimate health issue a shock to your heart. Fortunately for us, this news is not fatal. It doesn’t have major effects for the future, but it is still an adjustment. And the questions, fears, uncertainty, and just lack of information definitely affects us, our family, my mama heart.  

The Diagnosis

I took my daughter to her well check-up without too much to discuss. She wouldn’t need any vaccines so there was no prep-talk that needed to take place. She was doing well in her preschool class and could most definitely keep up with her 4-year-old brother. Eating has never been an issue and socially … well, she just loves to have fun!

The appointment was going fine. She could answer the doctor’s questions as he checked her vitals. Then towards the end of the exam, he made a little face and asked her to copy his movements. He said he normally doesn’t perform scoliosis exams but felt like he should. What he saw when he checked further was a little girl who needed a referral to a pediatric orthopedic doctor. Fortunately for me, I had worked as an X-ray tech for a very busy practice and trusted one of their best pediatric surgeons. We were both on the same page. 

From that moment on so many thoughts ran through my mind. Questions and criticism of why hadn’t I noticed anything. I’m her mom AND I used to take X-rays of patients with scoliosis!! But like I’ve told other moms and people have told me, I wasn’t looking for it. It’s true, and I would normally attribute her posture to her sassiness. Now that I know, I can clearly see her physical symptoms. As well as certain “behavioral” things I just chalked up to her being too smart for her own good. I assumed she was a stubborn toddler girl! 

Worse case scenario she will need surgery. Best case she will go to therapy. I knew what to expect out of this appointment because I used to work there. I also knew the techs and the doctor. So that was one thing I am SO thankful for. The familiarity and comfort level helped ease so much anxiety and worry. I knew my daughter would be in good hands, no matter the outcome. 

After she went in like a rock star and took some x-rays, a treatment plan was put into place. Can I just say, my brain felt like it was in a tornado or something. Trying to listen and process all of this new information, in such a short period of time, feels overwhelming. And although I only had “one” meltdown in front of another person, the stress of this situation was intense. And yes this isn’t something life threatening, but when it’s your child it’s a big deal. So I embraced the messy moments, but I also knew I couldn’t wallow in them. That would do no good for myself and especially for my daughter. 

Then I found out my new normal for my sweet girl. She would start seeing an occupational therapist who would help her strengthen her core and showed me things to look out for as well as exercises to do at home. We were given an order for her to be fitted for a providence brace which would be worn at nighttime to help correct and prevent further curvature. And let me tell you, that first night was one for the books! Two hours of consoling an exhausted, confused, uncomfortable, and sweaty toddler made me wonder if I could do this. I questioned myself and my ability to help her through this transition. But looking back, I was perfectly prepared for everything we would go through. 

Current Status

We are presently waiting (not so patiently) for her upcoming surgery to treat her Chiari Malformation. Results from an MRI showed this and Syrinx throughout her spinal cord which can cause scoliosis. There’s not much information about this condition, but they are starting to research it more.

I wish I knew how condition happens. Did I somehow fail her? Did it occur when she fell that one time, or maybe a time when she “belly flops” on the bed? Could I have somehow caused or prevented this from happening? All the questions and fears … worrying about the future and the difficulties she may experience. The realization that this is physically causing her discomfort and there’s really nothing I can do to fix it. So many lightbulb moments about my daughter and what she was going through daily. 

Now I know when she can’t sit still for more than one minute is because she cannot get comfortable. It made me so sad when I realized that this is her normal, and she didn’t/doesn’t know anything different. She doesn’t realize she shouldn’t always be hurting. My main focus is to help her physically relax and experience life without pain.

I know in my heart she will be OK, and the procedure has a very high success rate. This isn’t something debilitating for her … but it is this little sweet and sassy baby girl of mine going under the knife. And I don’t know about you but any time I have to watch her be brave for a new doctor’s appointment or to get knocked out by anesthesia in .5 seconds, it is a stab to the heart. 

With all of the madness going on in the world, this experience has helped me to truly soak in every single second of this life because it can change any second. There is so much we have to worry about. It’s not just about us anymore, it’s about this little human you want to protect so badly but know you will never fully be able to. It’s knowing bad things that will happen to them, and you are not meant to take that away. It’s the realization things will change in certain ways and slowly take away the innocence. 

Everyone will go through something, not one is more superior than the other. As a mother, any worry you may have is real to you … so it matters. What also matters is having some amazing friends who get you, respect you and will you lift you up. One thing I can say has truly opened my eyes during this time has been the incredible women who have reached out and helped in specific ways. And I’m SO UNBELIEVABLY THANKFUL! I let my wall down and shared. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and accept the shoulder or hug. 

My faith is constant and grows with every act of love being displayed. We should not feel alone during troubled times and we certainly shouldn’t attempt to carry the burden alone. The freedom you experience knowing you are not walking blindly is comforting. You will always have questions. There will always be worries. But there should also be those you turn to when you’re going through it all. They will be the other pieces to your puzzle. 

Have you experienced a scary situation with your child? What helped you during this time?

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Stephanie Gillian
This is Stephanie! She is a super short, married, SAHM to two little cuties. Finally living life to its fullest and happiest potential, she gets out of her comfort zone often, only to be pleasantly surprised by opportunities and blessings. She is navigating to the best of her ability through this journey of motherhood. Her little ones keep her busy, entertained, stressed at times but full of love always. She is always looking to meet new mama friends and build everlasting relationships. Her passion in life is helping others find their inner strengths, through fitness, and being the supportive figure for others that she so needed in her life. She is a coffee obsessed, book lover who tends to use lots of emojis when texting and posting on her facebook like page Fit Mommy Soul.

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