Having just welcomed our second baby girl in May, I’ve been thinking about all the things that were so different from my first baby, such as how I feel, what seems easier this time around, what seems harder, and the new baby items that are complete game-changers (the Snoo!).
I decided to write a letter to my first-time mom self with the wisdom I have today. I hope you’re able to glean something positive from it, no matter what stage of motherhood you’re in currently.
Dear First Time Mom DeShea,
I won’t even ask how you’re doing because I know you’re so tired and sore you can hardly keep from crying. But when you feel a good cry come on, just let it happen. It’s okay, and it’s actually normal.
Here are some nuggets of wisdom I thought you should know after giving birth twice now. Yes, even though two kids feels impossible right now, you decided to do this all over again!
Don’t make any life-altering decisions during this postpartum season.
Of course, life might get in the way, and you have to. But if you can avoid any difficult decisions, do so. Your mind is wrapped up in keeping your little human alive; just focus on that and your health. Don’t overcomplicate your daily grind.
Take the time with your baby.
Don’t rush the healing; don’t feel the need to check items off your to-do list. You’re home for eight weeks. Great! Take that time laying in bed resting or doing an activity you enjoy. Leave the house projects and deep cleaning for another day.
Yes, the bathroom is a wreck, and dishes are piled in the sink. So what if you finally have time to paint your guest bedroom. Please don’t do it. Time flies too quickly.
Your newborn doesn’t stay small for long, and your body just did something miraculous but needs healing. Your thoughts are everywhere, adapting to motherhood, and your emotions are even crazier. Let yourself rest.
Take this time with your new family.
Don’t feel guilty saying no to guests. Adapt to having a new member of your family; a very needy and demanding member of the family that is also oh, so cute and precious.
You and your partner need to learn what it’s like to have someone else depend on you for survival. Don’t be afraid to rely on your partner for strength. Don’t let others come in and hinder your relationship.
Just because you can doesn’t mean you have to.
Choose your priorities for this season. If keeping a clean house is a top priority for you and helps you keep a clear head, then go for it. Just don’t overdo it. The attic doesn’t need to be decluttered no matter how many times you argue that it does. No one is going to see it, including you.
Or if making healthy meals is a priority, then do that. Just don’t feel guilty on the nights when the baby is screaming, and you order pizza for a third time this week.
Just choose a few priorities and stick with those. Everything else can wait.
There will be times you will have no idea what to do.
That’s normal.
You’ll even forget how to do some things once the second baby comes around. When the baby is crying, and you aren’t sure what to do, remember it doesn’t stay like this forever.
You will feel very overwhelmed when you don’t know how to comfort your baby. Eventually, they will fall asleep. It will pass. However, white noise is your friend! Invest in all the sound machines!
You will sleep again … one day.
It may feel like that full night’s sleep is far into the future but just think about the day when there is no baby bottom to pat or sweet smiles at four in the morning. It’s hard to imagine that day right now, but it will come.
You will affectionately refer to the days of sleep deprivation as “The Dark Days” because you will be in full survival mode. But you will make it.
Know that babies are constantly changing, so don’t get too comfortable with your routine.
When you think you have a decent schedule, prepare for your little one to throw you for a loop. And just go ahead and expect that for the rest of their life.
It’s okay to feel you’ve lost yourself.
You will find yourself again. You might need to ask for help from family and friends. Professional help is also available. Don’t be ashamed. You deserve to be happy and healthy.
You will discover new favorite activities like toddler music class and find yourself singing nursery rhymes alone in the shower. You haven’t lost your mind.
Other women might make it look easy, but they have their struggles too.
Don’t compare, and allow yourself grace. You never really know what that other mom is feeling and thinking.
Lastly, your baby is so lucky to have you as their mother.
Enjoy the good days and when there are bad days, just do the next right thing.
Don’t feel guilty for wanting the newborn stage to be a thing of the past. But don’t wish it away too often, or you might miss the best days.
All my love,
Second Time Mom DeShea
