Columbia SC Moms Blog is bringing you its latest series titled “How I Became a Mother” in honor of Mother’s Day. Each of us has experienced a unique journey into motherhood. Some of us have struggled with infertility while others have relied on faith and science. Some started their families early, while others didn’t begin until “advanced maternal age.” Some joined motherhood through stepchildren and others have dealt with adoption. Bringing a child into this world is miraculous regardless of how it’s done. Over the next several days, we want to share with you the stories of how we became mothers, to let you know that no two families are born the same. Join us on this journey as we celebrate moms!

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How I Became a Mother ::

A Journey of Hard Knocks and Tiny Hugs

The baby of our family, Lily, just turned 3 at the end of April, and my older daughter, Joce, will be 9 in July. The son I gave birth to in high school, and gave up for adoption, will be 12 in June. I have been nurturing life for almost thirteen years and I’ve been parenting for over 8 years, but I am still, to this day, becoming a Mother.

To be a Mother, capital M and all, is not just giving birth, changing diapers and making healthy lunches. It has been more of a serendipitous journey down an epiphany-riddled road of hard knocks and tiny hugs. My definition is based on feelings and experiences more than on words and specific terminology.

My capital M and all the respect I believe it stands for — my ability to behave like an adult while raising future adults — my incessant need to try harder when it strikes me and take a break when I need it — that is how I now define my Motherhood on the most basic level. How I got to that point wasn’t pretty or fun, and it has actually been quite painful, but you know the line: It’s worth it.

I leapt into parenthood unexpectedly, and the resulting full-bodied flail hasn’t been any more predictable. Two children into my parenting career, and I still bumble around confused and dumbfounded, wondering who I am supposed to be and how that person will affect these kids.

Joce was born when I was 20 and Lily when I was 26, yet I was almost 28 before I started to truly make life decisions like a Mother, act like a Mother and, most importantly to me, react like a Mother. Up until a little more than a year ago, I fought relentlessly to remain immature, stubborn, the center of whatever attention I could get and sometimes just downright mean.

It took two huge and painful major life interruptions for me to get the motivation I needed to make the changes we all needed: Losing custody of Joce (she and Lily have different fathers) and my husband leaving me shortly thereafter.

How and why those things occurred are a story for another day, but they helped mold me into a better person and better parent.

I am now 29 years old, finally growing up and living my life in a way that brings me, and my family, happiness. I’ve learned my parenting style and I’ve accepted my strengths and weaknesses.

A big part of me growing up was just that: acceptance.

Then came the humility. I need my husband’s help and I need to ask for it. He balances me in all the right ways, as he should.

Patience has been the cotton-headed ninny-muggins of the trifecta, and I am still honing my craft … daily. I have permanent jaw and tooth damage because of my physical reactions when I am impatient. It is a real and daily struggle for me, but trust me when I tell you I am making strides.  My jaw can’t take anymore, and I’m sure there is a limit on how many times you can have your teeth shaved down after you’ve cracked them. Again.

It is also worth a mention that my girls enjoy being around me more when I am not a steaming, jaw-clenching anger monster. Very win-win.

Other people were seeing it too, like my husband. He moved back home once my big girl panties started showing. Then one day the girls brought it to my attention, just sitting at my dining room table playing dominoes, and I finally felt a bit of peace come over me: a small treat for all my hard work.

Even so, after all these lessons I’ve learned, I can still let the day-to-day life get to me. I have been a sub-par mother, a Supermom and varying degrees of “Mama” in between.

Here, my friends, is where my gratitude comes back full force: My children ultimately love all the sides of me the same, even post-temper tantrum (from me, not them …). The grace my children offer me is astounding and it fills me with relief and joy. Their love frees me to take on each day with renewed spirit, so I can strive to be the best Mother and wife to my family.

I try not to worry about the Mother I was a few years ago, and I try not to stress over the Mother I will become over the years. I am doing my absolute best to take Motherhood one day at a time, forcing myself to take time to bask in gratitude for what I’ve created for my life and theirs, while relishing in the love these small people have that is just for me, their Mother.