I have always been able to picture my future life. It is an ever-changing picture but I’ve always had a life plan.
When I married my husband in 2017, having children was not a part of the plan. I had too many health issues for one thing. Also, I didn’t even know if I could get pregnant naturally, thanks to having polycystic ovary syndrome since puberty. So my husband and I pursued other goals.
However, as time went on, we felt like a piece of our life was missing. We discussed the idea of having a child for a while. I knew it probably wouldn’t be an easy process. I think the fact that we decided to keep our decision quiet made it even harder but we didn’t have high hopes.
At the beginning of the year, I slowly weaned myself off of one of my two antidepressants; the one that studies showed could negatively affect a developing fetus. Then I went to my OB/GYN to have my birth control implant removed from my arm. When my doctor told me I could possibly begin ovulating in a week, I started to see a glimmer of hope. Three months later, I had yet to get my period so it was impossible to track my cycle.
My doctor confirmed that I was in fact not ovulating and would need medical intervention to get pregnant. That wasn’t something my husband was expecting, and it definitely caused a strain on our relationship. We decided to only do two rounds of medication and if it didn’t work, we’d stop.
I was prescribed two medications. Provera to shed my uterine lining and give me a period, and Letrozole to make me grow and release a matured egg. I had so many T.T.C. (trying to conceive) apps and calendars because timing (of taking these medications and other activities) was everything. When each medication made me sick in a new horrible way, I came to the conclusion that this would be the only round. My physical and mental health wouldn’t be able to stand those side effects again in such a short period of time.
I ended up having a longer-than-average cycle, even with the medications, so I thought it hadn’t been a success. So I started imagining a child-free life again. My husband and I started planning to take our next international vacation. I thought that was the end of my baby dreams.
But then I started having very weird dreams. I also felt like I was coming down with a cold, and then I started spotting a little bit. I decided to take one final pregnancy test that Friday morning before work. I almost forgot to check the results because I was convinced it would be like every other pregnancy test I’d taken for the past two seasons.
When I saw the two lines, I was so shocked I didn’t even wait to tell my husband in some cutesy way, I just handed him the test. He was just as shocked as I was. He asked me, “How did that happen?”
Little did we know that was the beginning of a very rocky pregnancy, but it was all worth it because our perfect little baby girl was born in March 2020. That is how our “surprise” baby came into our lives, and I became a mother.
