Is Love Grandiose Gestures or Small Thoughtful Things?


Is love grandiose gestures or small thoughtful things?

Ideally both, right? But where would you find that perfect man who would lavish you with large, over the top romantic outpourings on special occasions, and consistently shower you with small daily tokens of affection? 

In my twenties, when I was young and immature and impressed with what I saw in Bollywood movies, my idea of a beau was someone who would shout ‘I Love You’ from rooftops; who would be crazy in love, who would scale walls, move mountains, swim rivers, and run miles to be with me! I gushed when I read about girls getting marriage proposals written in the sand with flower petals all around, or on flyers in the sky trailing hot air balloons!

Now, as I am nearing fifty, I realize that I was very naïve and foolish.

Exaggerated and excessive expressions of love cannot be sustained over a long period of time.

Sometimes, I wonder if majestic gestures are more about the person’s ego, narcissism, and desire to brag on social media, or about the pure emotion of love itself? Sometimes, I see a celebrity cheat on his wife and then try to ask for forgiveness by gifting her a really big piece of jewelry or a fancy car, but that is just not how love should work.

If you had to choose between someone who talks the talk and someone who walks the walk, you should choose the latter. Very rarely would you find a person who can do both. If a person showers you with expensive diamonds and vacations but is emotionally distant in day-to-day life, the grand gestures seem irrelevant.

I was reading somewhere that love is a verb; it is an action word, it is not something you say, but something you do. If you are looking for a long-term relationship and not a short-lived romance, you must find someone who does little thoughtful things for you every day.

I have been happily married for twenty-six years, and even though my husband is not hiring a mariachi band to play for me this Valentine’s day, his deeds show me the true meaning of love each and every day.

Love is when we work as a team and always share chores.

Love is when he makes tea for me in the morning, and I make tea for him in the evening.

Love is when he warms the car and defrosts the windscreen for me when it is cold.

Love is when I am scared or anxious and he calms me down.

Love is when he charges my phone at night when I have forgotten to do so.

Love is when I have a headache and he gives me an Advil and water.

Love is when I cook his favorite dishes for him.

Love is when I get locked out of my car at work and he drives up with the spare key.

Love is when he makes me laugh and watches me admiringly when he sees my face light up.

Love is when I cry, and he hugs me and wipes away my tears and I do the same for him when he is upset.

Love is when we sit together and chat and gossip.

Love is being each other’s strongest critic and each other’s strongest supporter.

Love is treating each other with respect.

Love is having each other’s back and picking up each other’s slack.

Love is when he tells me I look pretty even when I am in my pajamas with oily hair and wearing glasses.

Love is when we prank each other and pull each other’s leg in jest.

Love is when we have seen the best and worst of each other and we can truly be ourselves and know that we will be loved.

Love is that we trust each other.

Love is raising our kids together.

Love is when I am stressed out and he hands me a glass of wine.

Love is decorating the house together.

Love is when I put a blanket on him when he falls asleep on the sofa.

Love is when I am driving home and he calls and tells me to take a detour if he knows there is excessive traffic or lane closings on the highway.

I could go on and on, but you get the picture! The true essence of love is in the little things. Small acts of love and appreciation go a long way in having a strong, loving relationship. You can nurture and sustain a happy marriage with consistent acts of love and not just by grandiose gestures.

What are some of the little things your partner does for you?

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Growing up in a small town in India, Mona Verma never dreamed that she would immigrate to America. She came to Columbia in 1996 when her husband found a job here and they were newly married. It was an arranged match but she did get to meet her future husband and give her approval and there has never been a shortage of love in their marriage. With a Masters in English and a Masters in Library and Information Science, Mona divides her time between being a part time Reference librarian and a part time writer. She is however, a full time mom to three teenagers, a girl and two boys. Volunteering, gardening, reading, binge watching her favorite TV shows and drinking wine with girlfriends spark tremendous joy in her. She is a very laid back person who likes to live and let live. Cups of hot ginger tea and hugs and cuddles from her family keep her going….


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