A few years ago, I read a quotation that said something to the effect of “working mothers are expected to work like they don’t have children, and mother like they don’t have to go to work.” This crystallizes my thoughts on the topic so eloquently, but it does not change the reality.
As an elementary school teacher, I do have the luxury (ahem, necessity) of having summers off to spend time with my children, but the other parts of the year, I literally spend more time with other people’s children than my own. And in some cases, I have used so much of my patience, effort, and love during the school day that my children are left with very little.
So what’s the solution?
Working women are expected to constantly “lean in”, “crash through the glass ceiling”, and so on. We are expected to be there early and stay late, go for the promotion, be the “ice queen”. Paradoxically, society also expects us to completely lose ourselves in motherhood – nurse for a year, make our own baby food, attend “mommy and me” music classes, playdates, Pinterest-worthy birthday parties, and to document every moment of their lives in a perfectly curated album, etc.
Begging the question, why can’t we do both? Can we give every ounce of ourselves to our jobs, and to our children? The answer is yes, but with certain parameters.
Between the hours of 9 and 5, or whatever your work hours may be, be present. Leave whatever argument you had with your spouse or tantrum that ensued as you walked out the door at home. Finding the life and work balance is all about compartmentalizing your life. Granted, everything does not always fit into a neat little box, but let’s give it a shot.
Give yourself the grace to go “all in” while you are there. Be efficient and effective with your time, and don’t ever feel guilty for being there! After all, didn’t you make this choice FOR YOUR FAMILY? Hello?! Whether it’s for monetary reasons, or your own personal sanity, you’re already being a great mother and you haven’t even realized it.
Here’s the tricky part: leaving work at work.
Sometimes, you have no choice but to bring work home, but at the same time don’t “bring work home” – just like at the beginning of the day, leave whatever argument, disappointment, or tantrum that ensued as you walked out the door at work. I have always felt like time with your children is all about quality and not quantity.
When you’re at home, be present. Now, this is not to say you have to play Barbies, or drop everything and build a blanket fort, but listen to them read while you fold laundry, or ask them about their day as you make dinner. It’s not realistic for me to sit here and type this and tell you that you have to completely dive into being with your children when you get home from work because that’s 100% impossible. How would you have clean clothes to wear, or food to eat if that was the case?
But, make them feel like they are still the priority, like they are the most important thing when you are there. Trust me, I deal with children every day who are desperate to feel that way for one reason or another.
At the end of the day, you have to do what makes you the happiest. Whether you lean in, or lean out, or do the hokey pokey as your turn yourself about, everyone is going to suffer if you aren’t doing what you can to make yourself happy! Go to that spin class after work, leave at your lunch break to go nurse your child at daycare, go on field trips, go on work trips, take a sick day and stay at home completely by yourself, and realize that life, by nature, is not perfect, but the joy is found in attempting to make it that way.
