Lately, I’ve been asking myself … am I ready for another baby?
Truth 1: I find myself mindlessly doodling baby names in the margins of my planner.
Truth 2: I have been caught wandering the baby aisles of Target more than a couple of times in the last few months.
Truth 3: I have started pinning a suspicious number of “new baby” and “2nd baby” pins.
Y’all, it’s getting real over here. But, in all honesty, the fear is real too. Our son turned one in October and at that point, we had already been talking about our plans for baby number 2 for a while.
We adopted our son, Milo, when he was six weeks old. For us, family planning has always been something we have to give a little extra thought and patience. I wish there was some kind of simple checklist where you could just mark off like 5-10 things and know for sure you’re ready for the next baby. That NOW is the right time.
I know I’m not the first mama to face this fear. We know we want more children. My husband and I always dreamed of a life with 2-3 kids, but how do you know when the time is right?
Some people say that around two years apart is perfect, but some swear by four years or more. Of course, plenty argue that one is the magic number … and I admit that we have definitely considered the possibility of remaining a family of three in the past.
At times I honestly feel so ready for baby #2. I begin feeling that same kind of longing I felt before Milo joined our family, but this time it’s a little different. It’s different because with Milo we KNEW we were ready.
It took us three years to grow our family. After years of infertility and months of playing the adoption waiting game, we were more than ready when he joined us. But now it’s not the same. Life is a lot more complex. It’s not just my husband and me to think about anymore. It’s a whole other person. Everything we do (or don’t do) affects him. Even deeper than that though … I’m not burdened with the fear of missing out on motherhood altogether.
Before Milo, I cried myself to sleep some nights wondering when, or more accurately IF, motherhood would ever find me. I gave myself half-hearted pep talks, trying to convince myself that if we never had children it would be OK. That I would be OK. That our lives would go on and be fulfilling and meaningful. Of course, life without children can absolutely be fulfilling and meaningful … when that’s what you choose. But it can be devastating when it’s not your choice.
The absolute certainty I felt before Milo is nowhere to be found this time around.
While this post does unintentionally feel sort of melancholy, I DO have this to offer up. As cliché as it sounds, I take comfort in knowing there will never really be a perfect time.
The stars will never align just right and there likely won’t ever be a single “ah-ha” moment that screams “YES, DO IT NOW!” We could wait until Milo is older or until we pay off some debt. We could wait until we have a bigger home or have family that lives closer, but something will always come up. There are always reasons NOT to do something. Especially when it’s something big. Especially when it’s something scary.
The best i can offer up is we got pregnant when baby 1 was about 14 months old and had baby 2 right before her 2nd birthday. This has been very hard! They will grow up so close together which is wonderful but it is a sacrifice for the mother for sure. You will not have the same free time to dote on baby 2 as you did with baby 1, and you will feel some sadness or guilt over that. Had I been younger I may have waited but I’m a “geriatric” mom and I had to lake the most of my fertile time. I don’t regret it and baby 2 knows I adore her and hopefully baby 1 knows I didn’t replace her too. As they get older I will hopefully get to spend some of that one-on-one time with each so they both remember how precious they individually are to me, and they will always have each other being so close in age.