Why I Dread “The Talk … About Slavery”

I hesitated to write this entry because it’s a truly vulnerable piece. Please bare with me.

The truth is, as a person who tries to think of mostly positive things, it’s difficult to “go there”; slavery, racism, bigotry, and prejudice notions are all ugly things. If you haven’t noticed, it’s only recently become alright to the masses that people of color take pride in themselves because of how deeply ingrained racism runs.

As a black woman, I embrace my heritage more, I appreciate what my forefathers did, I love my afro, etc. There are a host of reasons why I am only just coming to the conclusion that it is OK to be who I am, the way I am, including the color I am. I would explain, but that’s an entirely different blog post … and a session for my therapist!

My current mindset is one I hope to instill in my sons; but does that mean they have to know the ugly? The short answer is absolutely yes. It’s definitely important for my sons to know where we came from as a means to appreciate where we are and to continue the legacy. I look forward to seeing how they will be a great addition to society. But then I get to thinking about how scary it STILL is to raise black boys. I trust God will cover my children and their experiences; He can use the bad for their good!

But I would be lying if I said I don’t have concerns. I wonder about their journey. How will they respond when someone judges them based on their skin color? Will it hold them back? How will their opportunities pan out? I could go on. Our children are only going to get older. I realized our oldest is ready to have these discussions. But am I? Here are a few things I have in mind as I prepare.

Check Your Intentions

Why do I want to have this discussion in the first place? Well, it comes down to being a responsible parent. I take time to tell him about how all people are capable of doing great things. But I have to admit, I make sure he knows African Americans contributed to society in crucial, impactful ways. There was obviously a length of time our predecessors were not appreciated. So, my intent is for him to be proud of his ancestors. I want him to admire their strength. My hope is he can be inspired by the struggle and learn from it. And let’s face it, we live in the South. I want him to be ready … respectful, but ready.

Discuss With Your Partner

My husband and I discussed this among ourselves. It’s important to have a game plan with your partner as you parent, regardless of the subject. This helps with recognizing who is best equipped to discuss things. It is also helpful to review values and ensure they are presented in a uniformed way. On a subject like racism, etc., it can get touchy even when both parents are African American.

So, please remember: don’t assume your partner is on the same page. If there is hesitation on either part, take the opportunity to check out the meaning of a potential trigger. It may lead to a story you can use when talking to your children. Also, for interracial relationships, where one partner is African American and the other is not, consider how you would go about the conversation. I fully believe if love and respect is the message above all, everything else will fall into place.

Give a Little at a Time

Recall that our kids have tiny brains! It’s important to consider the amount of information we share about anything for it to be effective. Our family is raising the boys to be loving and respectful of all people; we believe it’s a great foundation. However, it can be confusing for a 7-year-old to grasp that everyone doesn’t operate that way. And that there are sometimes racist reasons.

This consideration has to be strategic. Perhaps there is a starting point you want to take that is not necessarily the beginning. Because let’s face it, our kids throw us for a loop sometimes and we just have to be ready to meet them where they are. That said, open a dialogue. Ask your child questions about what their experience has been thus far and let them know you are there to support! With a subject like that, it’s so easy to go on a tangent that can easily lose our kids. You know your child, consider what they can handle and go from there.

Reinforce the Greatness!

I make sure I tell my children how great and awesome they are every day. My husband and I tell them we love them every day. We tell them we are proud of them. All these things are important for any child, no matter what color. But for ours, we are hoping the hard work we do to genuinely lift them up is not broken because of an ugly racist comment. They must know they are little Kings, too.

Consider Additional Resources

I hope this message meets you well, reader. And for those of you who want to enhance your knowledge base and love resources like I do, please consider these children’s books to help you along the way.

• Amazing Grace by Mary Hoffman tells the story of a little girl who wants to play a role in her school play that is typically portrayed by a white person; how will she handle this?
• Christopher Paul Curtis wrote Bud, Not Buddy, a book about a black orphan who learns great life lessons in an adventure.

Read for yourselves. Read with your kids. Talk to them. It’s so refreshing to connect with our first grader. He knows so much more than I think! And I look forward to adding to his knowledge base no matter how difficult I think the subject is. Here is to parenting on the next level!

How have you discussed slavery with your kids?